Bending the Rules
by The-other-8th-wonder
Summary: High School Senior Mercedes Jones was a stickler for following the rules until she met someone that made her want to break them.
1. Chapter 1

_I don't own these characters, or anything else. I'm borrowing them. I promise to leave them in a better condition than I found them._

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The seagulls squawked loudly above Mercedes as she tried to focus on the sound of the waves crashing on the sand. The irrepressible summer heat made her retreat behind her big aviator glasses and even bigger big floppy hat, finding respite in her book. It was her summer vacation and all she wanted was to go back inside and work but her aunt had other plans.

This summer was spent at her aunt's house on a small beach town in Virginia. She had visited every summer since she was ten and she loved every minute of it, well except the crowds. Every year got progressively worse as college students and families flocked to the already overpopulated beach. She planned on spending the day at the local boutique where she'd been working since she was 15, but her aunt got her manager to let her out. She persuaded the older woman into letting Mercedes 'have fun and be a teenager.'

So here she was, shifting uncomfortably in a beach chair that kept sticking to her legs in the scorching summer heat. She'd rather be making money but she knew her aunt's heart was in the right place. Besides, it might be nice to just lay around doing nothing.

Her eyes were focused on her book, just like her mind was focused on colleges and applications. She had everything mapped out and nothing was going to derail her future—she was to major in political science, get an internship in her final year, and apply to grad school for international affairs. A couple of years and a master's degree later, she would work for the U.N. or world affairs council. No worries, no confusion about her future, and no possibilities. She never did anything without a reason or purpose, never deviated from her plans, always played it safe. These were her rules and she was more than content to follow them.

Little did she know, sometimes veering off the map and descending into chaos can bring unexpected surprises.

Glancing at her watch she closed her book and smiled. 2 hours. She gave this event the modicum of time allowed to appease her aunt. 2 hours—no more, no less. Now she could go inside where sand wasn't rubbing against her feet like sandpaper and the sun wasn't melting her legs to this chair. She gripped her book in one hand and the chair in another. This was her favorite part about going to the beach…leaving it. Still she could hear the laughter and chattering of people a few years older than her and felt a slight twinge of jealousy. It must be nice, to run around with reckless abandon. She sighed and grabbed the chair tighter when a sharp object hit the back of her knee and propelled her forward. The chair broke her fall, although the force of it caused her beloved sunglasses to break. To top it all off she fell with her face firmly planted…in the sand. Yeah, she was definitely wishing she went to work today.

More embarrassed than anything she quickly tried to gather the chair and book when she felt sand kicking at her back as assumed someone approached.

"Oh I'm so sorry miss, are you okay?" The low deep timbre confirmed her suspicions.

The only thing worse than falling was drawing attention to it. As she nodded and tried to stand on her own a large, pale and calloused hand reached out to help her up.

Without assessing the risks or the proper rules of the situation she grabbed his hand, instinctively wrapping hers around it.

Part of her wanted to crawl in a hole and hide but another part, which she refused to acknowledge, wanted to never let his hand go. An even larger part wanted those large pale hands roaming a lot lower than they were now. What the hell was wrong with her? She blamed the sun. Always a worrier, she was aware these types of notions led to girls being missing and then found dead in ditches days later. Okay, maybe she was exaggerating, but the fact remained, nothing good could come of this.

Wiping the sand from her cheek she winced as she tried to stand up gracefully. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine."

He took his thumb and removed the final remnants of sand from her face. She tensed at first but soon relaxed into his touch. It was then she chose to finally look him in the eyes. She wished she didn't because once she did she couldn't stop. She knew she was in trouble.

It was all therin his eyes—his kindness, patience and compassion. His gentleness, his care. It was all on display and it was all for her.

They stood there for a minute—him worrying his bottom lip to concentrate on cleaning her face and her gawking at his eyes. After what felt like forever she tore her gaze from his and scurried off.

Sam rubbed the back of his neck as he watched her walk off. The first thing he noticed was the book she was reading. It was one of his favorites. He was going to talk to her about it, offer to help her carry her things, but she was gone before the words could leave his mouth. She intrigued him, made him take notice. He thought she was adorable, if not a little out of place. Honestly, he didn't know what to think of her, but he did know she left before he had time to form an opinion.

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Mercedes sat strumming her nails on the counter and flipping through one of the many dress catalogues in the store. In her hand was the keys to the shop which she twirled around her pointer finger. Tuesdays were always the worst and this Tuesday was just dead. Adding to it was the unrelenting rain outside. Luckily she was just nearing the end of her shift. She could go back to her aunt's and look at some more colleges.

She closed the book quickly when she heard the bell on the door jingle. Looking up she wished for more cause those same eyes she met yesterday were looking back at her.

She couldn't help the feeling of dread that washed over her. She needed her rules and routines, clung to them even. It was the only way she could make sense of the world. The only way she could ensure she wouldn't get hurt.

It was as if her body was alerting her to the fact that his presence would disturb her routine. That he could turn every priority she clung to on its head. That this disturbance could lead to distraction. And this distraction could spiral into chaos and lead to her ruin.

In an unnecessary display of fear she decided flight was her best option. She put her head down and tried to make her way to the back without being seen. Unfortunately she was uncoordinated and instead slammed into his broad chest. It took her a minute to open her eyes and right herself. He probably thought she was a mess. Well, she was.

"You dropped this." He handed her the keys she didn't realize she dropped.

The smile on her face was forced, contrived. Still he had done nothing wrong and she had no reason not to remain cordial. It wasn't his fault she overanalyzed everything. "Thanks."

She tried to walk away but her short legs were no match for his much longer ones. He easily strode alongside her in the small shop.

"How's your knee?" He pointed to the little bruise and winced a little. She forgot all about it.

"It's fine." Her attempt at showing him so lost its meaning when she stiffened a bit. "Can hardly feel a thing." Sighing she slid behind the cash register, aching for some distance. She was completely aware of how spastic she was acting but she couldn't stop. No matter how loud that voice in her head was begging her to.

Sam looked up and smiled at her, relieved his original assumption about this girl was correct—she was adorable.

Once behind the counter she went right back into work mode, never missing a beat. "How may I help you today sir?"

She was so guarded, and he wondered what happened in her life to make her that way. But bigger questions loomed in his mind. Like why did it matter? Why was it so important to talk to this girl? To see her smile? Why did it feel that his happiness hinged on hers? She was for all intents and purposes a stranger. Why did she feel so familiar? And moreover why did all of his recent thoughts go back to her?

"Sir?"

Shaking his self from his thoughts, he responded. "Oh right. Sorry." He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and slid it on the counter. "I'm here to pick up some clothes for my mom."

Mercedes smiled as she noticed the name on the slip. Mary Evans had been her favorite customer this summer. The woman was kind, smart, and an excellent advice-giver. She would spend hours with the stylish woman, always enjoying her company. She wasn't sure, but she always thought Mrs. Evans may have nudged her aunt into asking for her day off.

"Your mom is Mary Evans?" Looking up at him, she gasped slightly as his proximity. He leaned onto the counter his face inches from hers. His grin told her everything she needed to know. Like the effect his nearness was having on her.

She cleared her throat and backed away a little. "Your mom's amazing."

He pointed to himself then and winked. "Like mother like son."

He was cute, she had to give him that. "I'm sure." Excusing herself, she went into the back and went to look for Mrs. Evans' order.

"I wonder how many people I have looked at all my life and never really seen."

She walked to the front slowly, her arms full. Was he really quoting her favorite book? And he did it so casually, like he was reading food off a menu. If she wasn't sure before, she was certain now…Sam Evans was trouble.

"What did you say?" Her voice was soft, but it didn't belie her intensity.

He rubbed his neck and looked into her eyes. He didn't know why but he was nervous. "That's my favorite quote."

She dropped the garment bags on the counter and stepped closer to him. She wasn't going to fight whatever pull she felt towards him. "That's my favorite book."

He smiled, a little relieved she didn't run away. "Mine too."

Not saying a word she regarded him for a moment, the same as she had at the beach, only this time she looked into his eyes. He loved the way they lit up. It was a sight he would see more often if he had his way.

Catching herself she cleared her throat and handed him the bags. "That'll be 485.77, sir."

"Sam."

"Excuse me?"

"The name's Sam. Sam Evans. You know, as opposed to 'sir'." He handed her his credit card, loving how flustered he made her.

She took it and smiled at him, then handed him the receipt to sign. "Please tell your mother I said hello Sam."

After he signed and handed her the receipt. "You can tell her yourself if you'd like. We're having a family barbeque next week. I'm sure she'd love to see you."

Shaking her head she tried to decline politely. "Sorry, but I can't. I have to work."

Taking a chance he leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "But I haven't even told you what day it'll be."

She tried to hide her face in her hands, hoping it would make her invisible. He had her there. Trying to recover, she responded with: "I meant I have to work all week so I probably won't be able to go."

"Well, let me give my number in case you change your mind. It would be great if you could be there, you know, for my mom."

"I'll see," she responded diplomatically. He already knew she wanted to say no, she didn't have to be ruder about it.

He gripped the bags tighter and walked backwards towards the door. "That wasn't a no."

She raised an eyebrow, "That wasn't a yes either."

Placing a hand over his heart he pretended to be wounded but her words. In reality, they gave him hope. "We'll see." He waved at her and left the store.

Looking down at the receipt he noticed her name. _Mercedes_. It wasn't a typical name, but it suited her. He wanted to know more about her, he wouldn't give up now._ Prepared to be wooed Mercedes. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Big uncomfortable hugs and sloppy kisses to whoever read and reviewed the first chapter. I loved reading them and I'll keep trying to do these amazing two justice. Now on with the story...**

**The book referred to to in the first chapter is John Steinbeck's _East of Eden_. I don't own that either, or the song metioned in this chapter.**

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14 Days or How Sam Evans Wore Mercedes Jones Down

When Mercedes Jones was younger, her mother read her fairy tales. No, not the dark lore these stories originated from but the watered down happily-ever-after stories girls have been conditioned to emulate. Mercedes remembered always falling to sleep with a smile on her face dreaming about her prince charming. Her mother's voice echoed in her mind as she decided to go in search of her own, only to find none of the boys she knew were fit to be hers.

And when her mother died, all of that dreaming gave way to practicality and realism. There was never a prince charming to sweep you off your feet. Sometimes you would have to be your own hero. Sometimes you would have to fight villains and monsters all by yourself. And when you were tired and spent after battle you would have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and fight another one.

But there are some things she wish her mother prepared her for. Like how to rebuff someone you were sure could change your life for the better and how to stay strong when all you wanted to do was hold him in your arms. She especially wasn't prepared for how annoyingly persistent he might be even after you feigned indifference and pushed him away every way you knew how.

It started the day after he picked up his mother's order. He came in asking if she needed someone to walk her home. It was a 15 minute walk, the same walk she had taken for years so she smiled and told him she would be fine walking alone. He showed up again the next day and stood outside even as she flipped the closed sign on the door. She took her time closing down the cash register and checking the inventory. After an hour he was still standing in the same spot with that goofy but cute smile on his face. Sighing she agreed to let him walk with her and was a little surprised at how disappointed she was that he didn't speak to her during the walk. She surprised herself more when she leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek thanking him.

A few days later when she got to work she was surprised to see a bouquet of lavender roses waiting for her. She was beaming all day unsure of how long she could keep saying no. Her resolve was breaking little by little, day by day. How much longer could she adhere to her own rules before she decided to break them?

Meanwhile Sam was growing increasingly frustrated by her rejections. He'd like to think he was confident but constantly hearing no could chip away at anyone's self-esteem. It felt like he would take one tiny step forward and nothing would change. He still walked her home every night, but they still walked in silence. She still said no when he asked her out but she still leaned in every night and gave his cheek a kiss. Maybe she really wasn't interested and he should just give up or maybe he should try a little harder to get through to her.

Then came his worse plan of attack. She was ready to go on her break when his adorable little sister and mother walked in with a note from him. Kids were always her weakness and she had no idea how he knew how to exploit that. It was a shame how he got the girl to ask her out for him, knowing no one could resist the 6-year-old's adorable pout. And when she said no and the girl whimpered she distracted the adorable blonde with some discount stickers wondering when Sam would finally quit.

Pushing her sunglasses on top of her head Mary Evans watched the teen read her son's note. "I don't know what you did Mercedes but I honestly have never seen that boy so smitten before." That slowly spreading smile on Mercedes face told her all she needed to know. She wondered when the headstrong girl would realize it wasn't one-sided.

Instead Mercedes pocketed the note, taking great care not to crinkle it and shrugged her shoulders. "I think he only likes the chase." Mary smirked knowingly and placed her sunglasses back over her eyes. Grabbing Stacie's hand she began to walk out of the shop. "And I think _you_ like being chased dear."

The next two days confused the hell out of her because there was nothing at all from Sam. No notes, no flowers, no walks home. No communication of any kind. A small part of her was relieved. He finally understood her message and wouldn't distract her before her senior year. But why did it bother her so much? Why did she feel a tiny pricking in her heart when she casually mentioned the boy to Mrs. Evans and got nothing in response? Why did she frown when he didn't show up after the shop closed and why did she feel sad walking to her aunt's house without him by her side? If he was so bad for her routine, why did she miss him so much?

It didn't matter now, he'd seemed to forget her. No matter how much it hurt, she brought it on herself. Besides he deserved someone who didn't dread the thought of being with him. He deserved the best. Following her perverse logic she concluded that she actually did him a favor. Who cares if she was hurting herself in the process?

She finally accepted he was as good as gone on Friday. It had been two weeks and she figured he got tired of hearing no. She could understand that. Hell, she was surprised he lasted as long as he did.

Little did she know, Sam Evans was not one to give up so easily.

She made her way to the back of the boutique where a new shipment that arrived was begging to be steamed when she heard it. At first she thought it must be some parade she didn't know about so she continued her work until she heard her name over the bullhorn. "Mercedes Jones, Sam Evans has a message he asked us to deliver."

Her jaw dropped as she walked out to the front. This boy did not get the local High School marching band to play her a song. She closed her eyes as her boss told her to drop everything and walk over to the door. She hated attention and this display was the opposite of anonymity. The complete opposite.

There he was with a whistle in his mouth in full band uniform dancing along to The Temptation's _The Way You Do the Things You Do._

She could feel the heat on her cheeks grow when neighboring businesses opened up their doors to see what the commotion was about. She tried to look serious, but failed when she saw Sam wearing a band uniform and standing in the front. He was banging the large cymbals together during the song and couldn't help but laugh.

She looked out at him and felt a tinge of guilt. There he was willing to put himself out there, willing to be made a fool just so he could take her out on a date. Maybe his persistence was someone's way of telling her she didn't always know what was best for her. Maybe it was time to break some of her rules. Looking at him now she knew she had to. There was nothing she wanted more than to be with him. Rushing to the coat closet she went to her coat, grabbed the note he gave her earlier and circled the yes below his question. While everyone clapped once the song ended she sifted her way through the crowd, note clutched in her hand, focused on finding Sam.

She heard him before she saw him. There he was, standing in the direct middle of the crowd, bullhorn firmly in hand. "Mercedes. I know I've asked you this a few times before and so far I haven't been happy with your response. Believe me if this was anyone else I would have quit a long time ago. Maybe I should have. But there's something about you. Something that keeps telling me that if I give up and walk away I'll regret it for the rest of my life. So I'll ask you one more time, and then I'll never bother you again. Mercedes Jones, will you go out on a date with me?"

The crowd parted as she made her way to him. Her hand was shaking and her heart was pounding but there was no doubt in her mind that she had to do this. She handed him the paper and watched as he unfolded it to reveal her answer.

He looked up at her then with eyes full of happiness and adoration. "Really?"

She nodded her head and smiled brightly at him. "Really. Sam I am honored you still want to go out with me. I'd love to go on a date with you."

He picked her up and swung her around. They both laughed as he set her down and tucked a loose tendril behind her ear.

He looked into her eyes which were full of promise and shone just for him. He knew it was just a date, but he also knew that it was more. It was a _beginning, their beginning_.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. I am having fun writing this and I hope you're having fun reading it._

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Mercedes smoothed down her teal sundress and fiddled with her curls for the third time. She was nervous. Mercedes had her life mapped out-school, career, and location. This was never a part of any of her plans. She felt like she was freefalling without a parachute. Like she was riding a roller coaster and was still waiting for her stomach to settle.

When her aunt told her there was a knock on the door she nodded determined to get out of her own head long enough to have fun.

She was well on her way to following her own advice as she watched Sam talk to her aunt in the doorway. Her doubts were quieted at the sight of him. His dark rinse jeans and brown belt that matched his shoes. His white v-neck and blue short sleeved button down (which he left open) gave her free reign to gawk at his body, which she promised herself she wouldn't do. Sam Evans was going to be the death of her. She found herself walking down the stairs with an extra spring in her step.

As soon as Sam saw her he took a deep breath. He didn't know what it was about her but he could feel his palms getting sweaty and his pulse quicken. He was in a slight stupor at how beautiful she looked. At a loss for words he stopped fidgeting long enough to wave at her and then proceeded to quickly put his hand down. Wow, he felt like an idiot. Yep it was decided: Mercedes Jones was going to be the death of him.

She smiled at him then, blindingly so. Enough to make him stutter a little when he greeted her. "Hey Mercedes." He handed her a lavender rose which she took shyly and thanked him for.

After placing the rose in a small vase on the kitchen counter, the duo waved their goodbyes to Mercedes' aunt and Sam held his arm out for Mercedes as they left.

Did Mercedes say the nerves were gone? She lied. They actually never left and now walking with Sam to his car she realized that they weren't going anywhere.

She smiled softly when she noticed he was just as nervous as she was. Either that or he just ran all the way here because his forehead was sweaty and his hands were clammy. Taking the hand he offered she slid into the passenger side of his car.

They sat in silence for a while with Sam's grin growing the further away they got from the city. She didn't like not knowing where she was going. Not one bit.

"Sam?"

"Hmm?" Sam turned to look at her for a second, his grin impossibly wider.

"Ummm, where are we going?"

He shrugged in a way that was equal parts infuriating and endearing. "It's a surprise."

She turned away from him and tapped anxious hands on her lap, all the while counting the mile markers on the freeway until he took an off ramp and the car slowed near a big grassy hill.

He held his hand out for her, which she took. "I wanted to show you my favorite place. Every time I need to think or I need some perspective I come here."

Trying to block out how steep it was, and needing to ignore how she wasn't properly dressed for a hike she soldiered on, huffing a little as they reached the top. Once she got there she was glad he shared this with her. Despite the bugs and mud she was sure was caked on the bottom of her shoes, this place had a lovely view. She didn't even notice how long she was staring out at the city until she heard him.

"Shit!"

She went over to him, wondering what happened. "Sam are you okay?"

He pointed to a large picnic basket apologetically. "I'm so sorry Mercedes. I thought it would be a good idea to surprise you with a picnic. But I guess the ants got to our dinner before we could."

She shrugged, not really minding at all. "It's okay."

"No. It's far from okay."

She took the blanket from him and led him to the perfect spot. She then set it down and motioned for Sam to join her.

Carding a nervous hand through his hair he chuckled. Luckily she'd never know about him getting lost on the way to her aunt's or the two shirts he broke the buttons on while he was getting ready. He really didn't want to think about accidentally running over her flowers, turning her dozen roses into one lone surviving rose. "This night is not turning out how I thought it would."

She leaned forward and gave him her customary peck on the cheek, surprised by his blush. "I think it's perfect." Trying to divert his attention she leaned back and looked at him. "Hey Sam, why is this your favorite place?"

He seemed a little relieved to be thinking about something else. "Well I've always like being up high. Seeing everything else below. It helped me understand that life will go on without me, helped me realize that my problems were so small." He picked up some grass and played with it as he tried to ignore how vulnerable he felt around this girl.

"When I was younger I used to sit on the roof and let my feet dangle from the edge."

He looked over at her, surprised by her outburst. She didn't seem like the type to do something so...reckless.

Looking over at him she answered his silent question. "Crazy huh? You wouldn't have guessed I was that stupid right? Well when I was younger, I always wanted to be up high and the roof was the highest place I could think of. I even use to sneak to the school's roof until one of the janitors found me at recess and told my father." She wiped a tear from her eye hoping he couldn't see it. She hoped she'd opened up enough. Going down this path would force her into revealing why she wanted to be up high. She would tell him about how everyone would point up when she asked where her mother was and she would try to be on the tallest building to meet her. It was only when she'd gotten older that she realized she would never be able to reach her mom, that her mother was gone and never coming back no matter how close Mercedes thought she got. She laughed and turned away from him a little. "Now I'm kind of afraid of heights."

He felt privileged that she shared one of her fears with him and felt obliged to do the same. Plus he really loved how open she was being. "Well, when I was five I saw my uncle get bit by a snake. Been afraid of them ever since."

She turned to him and put her hand to her heart. "I promise to protect you against any and all snakes."

"Really?"

She shook her head and nudged his shoulder. "Well I promise to scream and run really fast in the opposite direction."

He laughed and stopped before tracing his finger on her jaw. "Well, whenever you get nervous or afraid I promise to hold onto you and never let you go."

She was taken aback by the sincerity in his works and the kindness in his eyes.

"Hey Mercedes?"

"Yes?"

He sat up, looking her in her eyes. "Why didn't you want to go out with me before?"

"Honestly? You terrify me." Her voice was so soft, it was all he could do to not wrap her in his arms. Instead he frowned in a way that made her want to kiss it better.

She spoke a little louder then. "You were so sure and so determined, it scared me. I don't think I've ever been that determined about anything _ever_."

"Well my daddy always told me all a man has is his word and his convictions. I knew I had to try. And I'm glad I did because truthfully, this is the best date I've ever had."

She looked at him and mumbled something she wish she could take back.

But he heard it anyway.

"What did you say?"

Mercedes sighed. She was usually so controlled but being around him made her want to say whatever she wanted, unfiltered. It sucked. "I said this is the _only _date I've ever had."

After she said it she wanted to retreat within herself. He probably thought she was some weirdo loser. She could feel his eyes on hers and she closed her eyes tightly, wishing she could will herself invisible. She didn't open her eyes until she felt his hand slide into hers. Then she couldn't keep her eyes off of him as he picked up her hand and brought it to his lips.

"I'm so honored you chose me as your first date."

She thought he was kidding. He must have been, right? No one was this gentlemanly, this perfect. What was his angle?

She took her hand back with all the gracefulness she could muster (which, let's face it, was practically non-existent) and placed her hands in her lap. She murmured a barely audible "thank you" before turning her attention back to the sky.

The scene was all too perfect: the gentle breeze blowing, the fireflies dancing in the night sky, the hill overlooking the small city-it seemed plucked from a movie script.

Still something had been nagging her. Why did he go through all this trouble for her? She was nothing special.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?" He watched her eyes close again as she leaned back and couldn't help but be in awe of her. It was the first time he had seen her so relaxed and he had some part in it. He wanted this moment etched in his memory so that whenever he was down he could be reminded of the one moment in time when the most beautiful girl lay beside him on a blanket on a hill.

"Why did want this date so bad?"

He paused for a minute. It felt like hours to Mercedes and at first she thought he didn't hear her, but he grabbed her hand again stroking her knuckles with his thumb. There was nothing in the sky that warranted her attention then. Nothing more important than him. Looking into his eyes she watched him struggle before he began."You ever stay inside for a long time studying for finals or whatever and then step outside? Seeing you on the beach that day was like that. You were the deep breath of fresh air after staying inside so long. I know it sounds weird but every time I'm near you I feel like I can breathe, really breathe." He kept his gaze on hers and tried to figure out the impact of his words. "And then you kept turning me down. I have to admit I wanted to quit, just move on, but my daddy's words kept ringing in my ears and I knew you were worth all of the effort."

She leaned forward and pressed her lips lightly against his. He was so warm, so inviting. This was a place she could see herself taking residence in. Right now she was convinced there was no place in the world better than being Sam's arms, than feeling his kisses.

Sighing contentedly, she leaned into his embrace, humming a song she didn't really know the words to.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Thanks so much for reading/reviewing. Here's the next chapter..._**

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_Two weeks later_

Mercedes flittered around the boutique rushing to tidy up the store before Sam came to pick her up. After her date with Sam, the two were inseparable. They spent mornings having breakfast and evenings walking along the pier. In that time they learned more about each other. He learned Mercedes dreamed of visiting Corsica one day and hated peas. She learned Sam has eyes like his grandfather's and loved to surf. Sam told her of his time as a boy scout and Mercedes regaled him of her babysitting misadventures. She teased him mercilessly when he told her about the time he accidentally mooned his class during an assembly and he winced when she told him about the time she broke her wrist in two places.

In a short time their relationship grew. It is rare to find someone you feel a spiritual connection to, even rarer when you've only known the person a little over a month. She felt like she knew him, really knew him, and for a person who clung to predictability it was refreshing to not know what was going to happen next.

But there was a question both seemed to overlook. One that threatened to rip their relationship apart at the seams once discovered.

Blissfully unaware of the doom looming over them she swung the door open before he could knock, the bell ringing obnoxiously as she waved him in. "Hey Sam." She stood on her toes to hug him.

"Hey pickles." He smirked as he watched her frown slightly. He loved how flustered she got when he called her 'pickles'. They had been trading embarrassing stories and she told him of the time she greedily ate all the pickles in the jar and proceeded to throw up—all over her 5th grade crush. She never looked at pickles or Finn Hudson the same way again.

"When are you going to stop calling me that?" She rolled her eyes in faux annoyance. Secretly she loved being able to tell him things. Loved that he listened, that he cared.

"When you agree to let me take you surfing."

He had been asking her for a week. He loved being out in the ocean. Said it helped him feel connected to nature. She hated nature, especially oceans.

Locking the shop she smiled as they laced their hands together. It was strange how affectionate they were.

Shifting gears he looked up as they passed a small tuxedo rental shop and his mind couldn't help but look to the future, him in a tux her in a white dress. _Slow down. _He tells himself all the time that this is new, they're young and he's crazy for having these thoughts. Still with every moment he spends with her, he can't help but fall closer to love with Mercedes Jones.

She tugged on his hand motioning him forward. "I have a surprise for you."

He wiggled his eyebrows which made her giggle. "Yeah?"

"My aunt's away overnight. I thought I could make you dinner." He let her lead him into the house.

He smiled watching her clean vegetables and season chicken. He could see her cooking breakfast for their children, laughing at his botched attempts. _SLOW DOWN. _He always had a hard time staying grounded in reality.

"Can I help with anything?"

Cleaning the cutting board she handed it over to him and pointed to the knife drawer. "Can you cut the vegetables for me?"

She laughed at the adorable way he stuck his tongue out in concentration and wondered how they got so comfortable with each other so fast. Guiding his hand she helped him chop the ingredients finer before throwing everything in a pan.

They looked domestic, like they had been partners for years. They ate and Sam cleaned the dishes as he fought valiantly to stay in the moment. She was just so beautiful, intriguing and sweet. She was perfect. He hummed along to the song on the radio and noticed her swaying to the music. Tossing the dish towel on the sink he grabbed her hand. She took it and smiled as he spun her then held her close.

_Something in the way she moves_

_Attracts me like no other lover_

_Something in the way she woos me_

_I don't want to leave her now_

_You know I believe and how_

She had her hand on over his heart, her cheek pressed to his chest. She loved having him close. It was as if he was holding her together.

_Somewhere in her smile she knows_

_That I don't need no other lover_

_Something in her style that shows me_

_I don't want to leave her now_

_You know I believe and how_

He couldn't stop thinking about them. He didn't know how but he knew she would be in his future. She made caring about her easy.

_You're asking me, will my love grow?_

_I don't know, I don't know._

_You stick around now it may show_

_I don't know, I don't know_

She inhaled his scent loving everything about this moment: his hand on her waist, his heartbeat, his slightly stiff movements. With him she allowed herself to think about love, something she thought was out of her grasp.

_Something in the way she knows_

_And all I have to do is think of her_

_Something in the things she shows me_

_I don't want to leave her now_

_You know I believe and how*_

She fit in his arms, she belonged there. Once the song ended she looked up at him and if she would have asked for the stars in that moment, he would have moved heaven and earth to grab them.

His hand moved from her waist, trailing towards her neck. He couldn't stop staring at those lips. Bending down he watched her meet him in the middle.

She was always worried that she was a bad kisser. That her guard couldn't be let down long enough to show him what he meant to her, to show how much she wanted him. She was sure he was patient with her, probably pitied her at first. She knew she had to be horrible at it, but every time she pulled away he looked dazed which gave her confidence. She began to try new things: nibbling, swiping her tongue against his bottom lip, running her hands up his back and through his hair, whatever felt right. She hoped she wasn't a disappointment because the boy was honestly a great kisser. His kisses didn't just give her a spark they produced electric currents that ran through her body, giving her aftershocks everywhere his hands touched. She could feel him through his kisses and hoped he could feel her. They broke apart with hazed and hooded eyes both breathless.

They sat in silence, chests heaving as the song faded out. 'Wow' he mouthed still trying to catch his breath.

"Sam?"

He looked over at her slightly puffy lips and smirked.

She smiled at his expression, sure it matched her own. "Can you teach me how to surf?"

* * *

"So then what happened?" She looked at him, eyes full of amusement.

"I spent an hour putting her bags back and apologized over and over again."

She let out a full-bodied laugh, head falling back slowly as her legs dangled from either side of the surf board. It was the perfect distraction from being out in the ocean for the first time in 13 years. From thinking about the last time she lazed about in the ocean. Being around him made her braver, and this newfound courage made her want to face things that she had been afraid to face far too long. She used to have panic attacks when confronted with large bodies of water, now she was sitting on a tiny board in the ocean-she'd call that progress.

And Sam's tale of unknowingly moving a stranger's paraphernalia into his friend's new apartment because he was helping said friend move in and assumed the items were his provided the perfect distraction for Mercedes.

Still the knots in her stomach never really went away, despite the laughter.

"Alright it'll be just like we practiced on land. We'll turn around and when a wave comes, get a feel for it and just pop up." He saw a small wave and looked over to her. He couldn't tell if she was nervous or excited but he hoped for excited. "You ready?"

She wasn't ready. Mercedes was scared. She nodded all the while knowing this was too big a step to take, that she bit off more than she could chew and she wanted nothing more than to go back to her books and the plastic beach chair where it was safe. She fought to regulate her breathing when the nose of the board began to sink.

She was going to have a panic attack. She could feel the telltale signs: sweating, difficulty breathing, chest tightening, and overall feeling of doom. And when the board dipped she clutched at it flinging water off to no avail. If she was panicked before she was feverish now as the water began to surround her. She forgot how to swim, how to move out on the now choppy waters. They weren't even far out and she knew this was it. This was the end. Her mind repeatedly flashed back to the last time she saw her mother; her five year old self watching helplessly as her mother was pulled under.

Sam was oblivious to her situation after riding the perfect wave. The worry set in as soon as he didn't see Mercedes beside him. He found her shaking and clinging to her board which was beginning to go under. Paddling over to her, he slid her back to balance her board. Although she was no longer sinking she remained stiff on the board. In that moment, her painful memories foremost in her mind, she was reminded why she kept everyone at arm's length, why she craved structure and rules.

"Mercedes, are you okay?"

She didn't respond, didn't blink. He held his hand out to her and she drew back. Something had happened, he wasn't sure what but she looked well and truly scared.

"Mercedes?"

She looked at him then, finally acknowledging his presence. "I wasn't strong enough."

"Don't worry. We'll just try it some other time."

After stabilizing herself she shrank away from him again. "No!" I need to go home!"

He put his hands up and leaned back. He'd never saw this side of her and it made him realize despite everything he knew, there was still so much he didn't know about Mercedes Jones. He felt helpless, he could see her suffering and didn't know how to help. He couldn't reach her. Sighing he tore his gaze off of her and focused on the road, his jaw clenching every few minutes.

Sitting silently in the car she wiped the tears as they fell. She couldn't believe how stupid she was.

Great, she was nauseous again. The same nausea she had after her mother's death was back—in full force. She remembered her psychiatrist tell her father the vomiting was 'a physical side effect to keeping everything emotionally bottled up, a manifestation of her grief.' At the time she had no idea what that meant but for some reason the words stuck with her. Sometimes she would use them as a barometer for growth. Often she used them to find other methods of hiding her feelings, which is why she clung to rules and routines.

The ride to her aunt's house was torture. When he parked and turned to her, he watched her scramble out of the seat belt and reach for the handle.

Their day started out so perfect, he couldn't let it end like this. Couldn't watch the girl leave without her knowing she wasn't alone and he'd be there for _whatever_ she was going through.

Putting a hand on her shoulder he spoke softly. "I don't know what happened back there but I want you to know you can talk to me. I'm here for you."

She kept her back to him murmured a thanks and jumped out the car. He watched her walk, well run, away from him and sat in his car with his head on the steering wheel as he tried to figure out what the hell happened.

* * *

_**Beatles - Something **_


	5. Chapter 5

Sam shuffled to the diner with his hands in his pockets and felt every bit like he was walking towards his death_**.**_

Once he got there he anxiously opened the door, steeling himself for whatever she had to say. After three days of silence on her end he got a call asking to meet her at the local diner to 'clear the air'. He spotted her sitting in a secluded booth towards the back. Even with the low lighting she looked beautifully sad as he watched her worry a mug with her thumb. A part of him wanted to turn around, but a larger part wanted to know why she asked him here. He hoped she would tell him why she panicked on the surfboard and wished she'd let him make good on his promise to hold her if she was ever scared or sad.

"Hey."

She looked up when he greeted her and smiled at him.

Sam couldn't help but feel it was the calm before the storm. Not wanting to delay the inevitable he cut to the chase. "So you wanted to see me?"

She took another sip of her coffee and stared out the window. "Yeah." She wiped her hands on her thighs and looked up into his anxious eyes. "I wanted to apologize to you about disappearing and explain why I freaked out."

He sat in silence waiting for her to begin.

"My mom died when I was five. She would have turned 41 two weeks ago." She kept her gaze on her mug. She couldn't bear to see pity in his eyes. "I was there when it happened. I remember throwing a big tantrum because my father had a boy's day with my brother so I begged my mom to have a girl's day. We were on vacation at Myrtle Beach and there were these big duck tours that ran along the coasts. I loved ducks so I dragged my mom on there. I could tell she was tired from schlepping me around all day but she let me do whatever I wanted." She chuckled dryly at the way her 5 year old self dragged her mom form store to store and wore her down after whining for an hour about the stupid duck tours. If she knew then what she knew now she would have happily went home and had her mom with her.

"Anyway, I just remember the water being choppy and I was nauseous but I was so happy holding my mom's hand. It was perfect." Her smile turned wistful, morose even and he sat there and absorbed her words. "The driver wasn't paying attention and he had to swerve to avoid some boat. In doing so, we tilted, some of us falling in the water. I just remember screaming and reaching out for my mother. Some man came to save us but when they went to pull us up on the boat her hold on me loosened and I tried to grab her but she went under. I don't really remember what happened then I just remember her slipping from my hands and screaming for her all night. I wasn't strong enough to hold onto her." She took a deep breath. "Since then I avoided large bodies of water. I tried to live a structured life so I can be safe. So I can at least make her proud and her death wouldn't be in vain."

He reached out, held her hand and spoke softly. "I'm sure she is proud. If you would have told me I never would have suggested surfing lessons. I never want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable." He know he had no control over it, but he couldn't help but feel guilty. Maybe if he wasn't so pushy in insisting he teach her how to surf, she wouldn't have had felt obligated to say yes. "I'm so sorry Mercedes."

She shook her head holding his hand to her cheek. "You have nothing to apologize for. Actually, I should be thanking you. Being with you made me want to _try_. Made me want to heal for the first time. I just never realized how damaged I was until I was on that board." She smiled as she felt him wipe a tear from her eye. "I never told anyone that. Not even my dad."

"Thank you for telling me."

She let her thumb trace his knuckles and stared at their contrasting skin thinking of all the differences that were so perfectly them. He was extroverted and she was shy, he was fearless and she was cautious but somehow they fit. Somehow it worked.

Sam couldn't stop but stare at the grin on her face. She finally let him in, completely. She trusted him. He felt like the luckiest guy in the world.

They exited the diner and began walking to her aunt's house. She had never felt closer to anyone, never let anyone in. Of course that meant he now had the power to destroy her, but for once the possibility of happiness outweighed the fear and distrust of being left alone. With an arm around her shoulders he drew her closer.

One thing Mercedes hated about the summer (well besides the bugs and the heat) was the unpredictable weather. One minute the skies were clear and the next a storm cloud rolled in with heavy rain. Which is why when the summer storm started she shrieked. Sam didn't mind it, in fact he loved the rain. Taking her hand they ran both giddy and giggling as the rain crashed down around them. They caught their breath once they got to her aunt's and Mercedes pulled some towels from the linen closet.

Sam waited for her in the entryway, conscious not to drip water on the hardwood floors. He noticed a large suitcase by the sofa. Sighing he carded a hand through his drenched hair. He was so content in his own little bubble but he just realized they had a life outside this summer, responsibilities to go back to. That suitcase reminded him that their summer was coming to an end.

She came back smiling but looked concerned when she saw his face. She handed him a towel and asked, "What's wrong?"

He pointed to the now offending object. "When are you leaving?" The summer had flew by and her only regret was meeting him mid-July. She wasted so much time rebuffing him, time that she could have spent with him. Now that it was winding down she couldn't tamp down the ache in her chest.

"Next week." She walked over to him and wiped the towel over his face. "I was going to tell you, but I honestly didn't want it to end. I guess I figured if I didn't say anything I could hold onto you for a little while longer. You know, if I could I would stay here with you."

He smiled sadly at her. "It's just as well I guess. I really need to concentrate this semester. And you" he bopped her nose, "would _definitely_ be the cutest distraction."

Her brow furrowed a bit before she smiled back at him. Reaching up she took the towel and dried his hair. She tried to focus on anything that would take away the seriousness of the moment. She sighed before speaking barely above a whisper. "I am going to miss you."

He took her hand then, causing her to drop the towel. He wasn't giving up on them and he hoped, prayed she wouldn't give up either. Drawing her near and wrapping his arms around her waist, they swayed slightly as they danced to a song only they knew they rhythm to. "Still even with the distance I can't help but think we have something here. I don't know what's going to happen when you get back home, but this is something worth pursuing. Hell, we're only about 6 hours away from each other. I could be there, we could even meet in the middle. What do you say?"

Laughing at him she couldn't stop the unsettling feeling roiling in her stomach that this was one of the last times she would ever see him, that they were on borrowed time and this was just the countdown to goodbye. "We'll see."

He must have seen the fear in her eyes because he grabbed her face in his hands and gently kissed her nose. "Mercedes Jones, look at me. I'm here and I plan on keeping you. I plan on making you mine, so you might as well get used to me. I'm not going anywhere."

She stood for a moment regarding him silently, letting his words wash over her.

She didn't know what they were going do. Hell, she didn't know what she was doing. She only knew she needed to be close to him. She trusted him completely—with her past, her mind. And her heart. She wanted to show him she trusted him with her body too.

She took his hand and led him to the guest room. The practically empty room was the only place that didn't have a physical reminder of their fading summer.

She took a steadying breath her eyes never leaving hers. Was she nervous? Hell yeah she was nervous, and as self-conscious as most teenagers. But she wanted this with him. Experiencing this with Sam, becoming intimate with him was greater than the fears she held onto.

He didn't understand her intentions until her hand reached for her shirt button. He wanted that with her more than anything but he knew she wasn't ready. Placing a hand over hers he stilled her movements. "Mercedes stop. We don't have to do this. We don't have to do anything that would make you uncomfortable."

She smiled at his concern, now more certain than ever she wanted this with him. "I want to do this and I want to do this with you. Right here. Right now."

Slowly undoing her buttons she shrugged her shirt off, letting it fly wherever. Her pants fell off with a little more haste. Her heart was pounding and her fear of being rejected was ever-present, but now she was more afraid of what would happen if she stopped. She kept her eyes on his as she slowly lifted his shirt from the bottom. She waited for him to object. It would have been easy for him to object, but this time she didn't want easy. When he made no moves to stop her she touched every new bare piece of skin that revealed itself on his soaked shirt's journey to the floor.

They were moving at warp speed and no matter how loud his brain was screaming at him to slow down, her small warm hands running along his abs was making it difficult to be responsible.

He couldn't think straight with her hands on his body.

Like a kid in a candy store his eyes roamed over her frame. He followed a bead of water as is rolled from her neck to her chest, down her stomach to her thighs. She was all soft and sweet and sexy. He couldn't handle it. He felt that a masterpiece was standing in front of him, shyly tucking one foot behind the other. If only she tapped into a small piece of her power, she would be able to move mountains. He didn't know when or how it happened but they ended up tanged in each other on the bed. With their mouths connected in a kiss that was burning his lungs, his fingers trailed her body, tracing designs on the swell of her breasts, massaging her stomach and swirling around her bellybutton. He hesitated at the waistband of her satin panties, that last barrier, wanting so badly to take them off. Instead he toyed with the fabric, running a finger over her slit and feeling her wetness. Her hips jerked forward. She sucked in air as she lifted her hips and helped guide his hand to pull them down.

He breathed deeply, enraptured by her scent. She smelled like sugar and heaven. What was she doing to him? He'd never wanted anyone more. Licking and sucking on her neck he spoke in a desperate voice. "M-Mercedes, please. You have to let me taste you. Can I taste you?"

She could barely understand what he was asking. She was still shocked that she was in front of a boy half naked doing _this_. She couldn't believe he wanted to that to her. Her greedy little hands were everywhere as he hovered above her awaiting her answer. She couldn't get enough of his body. His muscles, his skin, his scent. It was simultaneously too much and not enough.

She closed her eyes at first too embarrassed to respond. When she opened them she found a pair of darkened green ones staring back at her. All her embarrassment went away as she nodded and he hooked her leg over his shoulder.

His tongue must have been magic because he licked, flicked and sucked all the right places. He knew how to make her moan, mewl and keen. Adding his fingers was a surefire way to get her to unravel. His finger thrusts were unsure at first but he gained momentum as he heard her responses to his actions. Soon her hips were meeting his thrusts and they established a rhythm that made her fall apart.

The pressure was building and swirling low in her stomach. She clutched the sheets trying to maintain some semblance of control. She was in sensory overload. This couldn't be normal. The things his touch and tongue were doing to her had to be otherworldly. And the way her body responded as if he filled ache she never knew she always had was making her brain malfunction.

She let out a deep moan as she realized what he was spelling with his tongue—his name. In cursive, script, all caps and exclamation points. He was marking her very essence as his.

She didn't know how long she could hold on. Her eyes were already rolling in the back of her head and by the time she let go her juices spilled into his mouth and her legs were as wobbly as jello.

Screaming his name she panted and tried to catch her breath. Her toes were still curled as she started to come down from her high. She had never felt anything like that. Her body was on fire and she felt explosions behind her eyes. It was indescribable pleasure and heart wrenching torture.

He rose slowly kissing his way up her body until she kissed him deeply and wrapped her legs around his waist. She moaned as she tasted herself on his tongue. It seemed tonight would be the night of many firsts. She slid her hands down his abs and went to unbutton his pants. He must have been uncomfortable. She felt his hardness on her thigh. She only hoped she didn't disappoint.

Grabbing her hand to still her movements for a second time that night he spoke in a strained tone. "Honestly, I don't think I could handle you doing that to me tonight. It might make me transfer schools, forget all about graduation."

She giggled as he buried his head in her neck and kissed her collarbone. He murmured something into her collarbone, something she couldn't really hear because she was losing her battle with sleep.

He stayed a few seconds before he became painfully aware of his own need for release. He knew she was tired so he watched her close her eyes and whisper into her skin, "I don't want to go back to being without you. I can't help but fall in love with you. No matter what happens I promise to work my way back to you." He kissed the words there and meandered through the house until he found the bathroom. It took mere seconds before he found his own release. Thoughts of Mercedes flush against him, her sweet and musky taste on his tongue, and hearing her screaming his name as she reached orgasm got him there faster than any girl, movie, or magazine previously had. He cleaned himself off and washed his hands, eager to get back to his girl.

He should have been more careful. In his haste he knocked over a bag in the hallway, spilling its contents on the floor. Of course he knocked a stack of papers down. Luckily her aunt wasn't home. He would have a devil of a time trying to explain this. They looked important, pristine so he took time to arrange them correctly and slip them back in the bag. He shouldn't have read them, but he kind of had to skim to see the page order. He wish he hadn't because he stumbled on some information about Mercedes that made him pale.

Oh Shit. He was going to be sick.


	6. Chapter 6

Sam's breath caught and stomach knotted as he read and reread the paper. He had never known a stupid piece of paper could break his heart. That its contents could shatter his future. But it did and with it all those stupid plans he tried to force himself into not making were slipping through his hands and fading fast.

There are times when ignorance is bliss. When it's easier to remain blind and happy in a situation. When it's _comfortable _to remain in a bubble. But this, this was something that he couldn't unsee and that knowledge would tear him and Mercedes apart.

Looking at the college admittance form, he read her date of birth again. Surely this wasn't right. He knew with his dyslexia there were times when his emotions impaired his ability to read and made it easier to transpose numbers. So he took a few calming breaths as he paced the hallway and read it again. It hadn't worked. She was still 17. Shit. And the nausea came back. He couldn't believe he never asked her age. He just assumed she was in college. She was so mature, so driven, so focused. He actually thought she was older than him. Dangerous things those assumptions were. Dangerous, cruel things. Now he was stuck liking someone he couldn't have. Now he had to pretend someone he cared about deeply meant nothing to him. Every conversation they had, every feeling she elicited, seemed tainted somehow.

He opened the door quietly and looked at her turn around as the moonlight bathed her skin. How was he ever going to let her go? He wanted to hold her one last time. But as she stirred and called out for him in the darkness, he knew this was it.

"Sam?" She sat up shifting the sheet so it covered her frame. She felt his absence as soon as he left; felt his warmth leave her body. When she heard the door close she took time to think about what happened and for the first time she found she didn't regret a single thing. She loved everything about being with him tonight, about opening up to him completely. Maybe he was right. They had something special and she would be damned if she let something like distance take him away.

He blew out a breath when he saw her. This would be such a beautiful moment if it wasn't so tragic. Long soft waves cascading over her shoulders, satin skin, big innocent eyes: all things that he would never see again. "How old are you?"

She furrowed her brows and wondered where he was going with this. She eyed him cautiously before answering. "17." She heard him groan and an awful feeling formed in the pit of her stomach. "Why?"

His quiet murmurs did nothing to alleviate the tension that was building. Without knowing what was happening every nerve ending was standing on alert that something was terribly wrong. When she heard him mumble something that sounded like 'this was a big mistake' she spoke up.

"Sam, what's going on?" She tried to stay calm but she knew he could hear the anger in her voice.

He looked up at her then. "I can't believe this. You're 17? I thought you were older. I'm supposed to be teaching kids your age next year." His eyes got as big as saucers as if he just realized the implications of this. He could be put on a child predator list. He could be banned from teaching before he ever got his certification. And all of his hard work would be doen the drain.

She may have been slow on the uptake but she was beginning to piece together what was going on. "How old are you?"

"22."

Moving away from him she clutched the sheet even closer to her body. How could they ignore asking this vital piece of information? She knew so many little things about him: he loves baseball, hates enclosed spaces ever since his older cousin locked him in a closet when he was 5, learning how to read music helped with his dyslexia, his thumb on his right hand is slightly larger than his thumb on his left hand, he has a cluster of freckles on his back that resembles constellations, but she never knew how old he was. If she did she would take it all back, erase him from her memory. As wonderful and beautiful as he was she was 17 (okay she would be 18 in a few weeks) and he was 22. She was graduating high school and he was graduating college. She was in his words a 'kid' and he was a full-fledged adult.

Knowing they couldn't overcome this (but desperately wishing they could) she went over to him. She held him close, closed her eyes and prayed that she could keep him. Was it really that bad to want him? To hold onto something that could be hers? After all the sacrificing she did, is it really wrong to be selfish?

Sam stood there for a second with her in his arms, and for a second he allowed himself to hold her closer. Sam was always a dreamer and when he liked something he committed to it fully. He had made plans with Mercedes. In his mind she would be his wife someday, the mother of his children. Now every thought of her had been sullied with the knowledge that she was just a kid. And every fantasy he had of her and their future made him feel like some lecherous pervert. He could never win. Why couldn't he ever have something that was truly his?

He sprung from her hold putting as much distance between them as the small room would allow. "It doesn't matter how we feel Mercedes. All that matters is you're a kid. I could go to jail for what we did tonight. This can't ever happen again. _We_ can't happen."

He watched as she hugged her arms tightly around herself. She suddenly felt exposed, mocked. "So what? Now I'm a ridiculous little kid because I'm four years younger than you? Just lie to me. Tell me what happened here tonight meant nothing and I can go back to my routine. You were a distraction anyway." She tried to sound strong but her voice wavered. And she couldn't hide the tears that fell.

"I can't do that." His own voice was laced with emotion and his heart clenched at his words.

She wiped her tears and turned her back to his. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her broken. Especially since looking in his eyes would break her again. This was all so unfair. It was as if she were being punished for being born later than him. Like her feelings were invalidated because of her age. For the first time she felt like some 17-year-old child who was too young to understand the world or even her own feelings. She hated him for making her feel that way. Her voice was unsteady but she spoke with all the conviction she could muster. "Yeah you can. I'll just be some stranger to you. It's not like you cared. This was all some sick joke. No one cares anyway. It's my fault for believing you did." This is why she clung to her rules: because when you break them you can end up with a broken heart.

"Mercedes, please. Look at me. You can't go through your life thinking no one cares. You need to know that no matter what happens there's someone out there that wants the best for you, someone who prays for your happiness, and someone who holds you higher than anyone else. I wish we could be together. I wish you could be mine, but you can't and I'm truly sorry for that."

She wiped furious tears from her eyes. "So this is it then? It's over?" She chuckled derisively. "You know what I wish? I wish I would have know it would end like this. I would have kept ignoring you and turning you down. I wouldn't have..." she trailed off, thankful that she curbed her tongue. She couldn't tell him how she felt about him, not now. She deserved to at least hold on to that, hold on to the last shrivel of dignity she had.

Although she turned towards him she kept her eyes fixed on the door. She frowned, her mouth pulled in a tight line. "I think it's time for you to leave."

No matter what happened. No matter what the repercussions were, he couldn't let it end like this. He couldn't let her go thinking he didn't care. But that was the problem: he would always care too much about Mercedes Jones. Walking over to her he placed gentle hands on her shoulders begging her to look at him. "Mercedes?"

Shaking her head she shrugged out of his hold putting more distance between them. "Go."

Putting his hands to his sides, he stayed cemented in front of her. They stood in silence, both wanting to speak but unsure of what to say. Libraries could have been filled with all the words that were left unsaid between the two. What else could be said? Circumstances dictated they couldn't be together no matter how much they longed to be.

Finally he sighed, knowing that he should just leave but needing to remain close to her. He held his hand on the door and spoke over his shoulder. "Thank you for this summer. It was the best I ever had and I got to spend it with the amazing girl I love." With a heavy heart he turned the door, closing it slowly behind him. As soon as it shut he held his forehead to it, fingers lightly tapping the mahogany. His body was aching to stay close to her. Resigned, he trudged down the steps and left out the front door knowing he would never see her again.

Mercedes watched him walk away with red and blurred eyes. It was well and truly over. Shaking, she waited until he was gone, until she heard the front door close, until she felt him wrench further and further away from her heart. Once she was sure no trace was left of him she sobbed.—sobbed for their broken future and her broken heart. She wished she never found out the truth—wished that she was older or he was younger and all that mattered between them were their feelings. For a brief second she allowed herself to imagine her life with him—all secret smiles and clasped hands. They would have been great. Then she whispered in the thick, hazy summer air. "I love you too."

The next morning Mercedes awoke feeling achy all over. She hardly slept and she knew her eyes were puffy. With renewed resoluteness she finished packing her bags and set them by the doorway. Calling her boss, she thanked her for the employment and began to tell her she needed to be home earlier. Then she cleaned the kitchen and called her father, asking that he change her flight to tonight. She had to stay occupied so sadness wouldn't creep in. After another call to her aunt and a second sweep of her summer room, she called a taxi for the airport. She couldn't wait to get back home, in fact she was eager. Eager to see her father again. Eager to start her senior year and head off to college. But most of all, eager to leave Virginia Beach and Sam behind forever.


	7. Chapter 7

_**5 months later**_

Mercedes opened her new locker and frowned at the scent it produced. Everything about this place stunk. How long was this school year going to get progressively worse?

First it was the birthday present she got after she came home from her first day of school—lavender roses, two dozen of them, from Sam Evans. Chuckling, she shook her head at the irony of it all. A few weeks ago they thought they knew everything about each other but missed some big pieces like their ages and addresses. Now that everything was known, Mercedes would give anything for some ignorance. She tried to burn every memory of him from her mind but those flowers served as a reminder of what they shared not too long ago. But it hurt. It hurt to know he still cared about her, hurt to know nothing could be done about it. So instead of putting herself through further torture she chucked the ornate card that was sent with the flowers in the trash. She'd never admit to tracing her name on the front while she smiled fondly at his scrawl before throwing it away. In a split second she was in front of the hospital donating the roses to the children's ward.

Then it was the stupid sprained ankle which actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. After finding out she had to take another gym class, she was forced to run the track one gloomy October morning. She knew she shouldn't have told him his class was as useless as his degree but she was irritated. She apologized immediately but the damage had been done, so she took her punishment willingly—five times around the two-mile track. Unfortunately, some asshole left their bag on the track and she didn't see it until she tripped over it, twisting her ankle. She thought if she lay still and played dead no one would bother her. Maybe she could guilt trip her way out of gym this semester. He wasn't around, but the asshole was. He ran over to her and touched her ankle gently. "Aw shit, I'm so sorry."

Mercedes winced when he touched it, she could see it swelling already.

"Let me help you up." Not only did he help her but he carried her all the way to the nurse's office. He even stayed with her as she got checked out at the hospital.

His guilt must have been eating away at him because he offered to carry her books and bag every day that she wore her crutches. He even offered after she was cleared of injury.

She told him she didn't blame him, that he didn't need to feel obligated and he owed her nothing but he was there every morning offering to come along on her morning jogs. She hesitantly agreed and they have been jogging every morning before school ever since.

Soon she realized he wasn't going away and she gave in. Turns out Noah Puckerman was proving to be one of the best friends she's ever had.

Finally, and quite possibly worse of all, was the shocking letter she got during winter break that her school was closing and all students had to be relocated to a high school two towns over. This came right after she called Sam to congratulate him for graduating and hung up, too afraid to say what she really meant to say. It seems that during an extensive renovation project, an inspector found deadly mold in most of the old walls. A few L&I officers slapped some condemned stickers on the front of the school and a school district decision to merge McKinley High students with the neighboring Polk High was the reason she was stuffing books inside this stinking ass locker. It was the right decision. She knew it was the right decision. Teachers and students alike had been complaining for years of headaches and nausea which they now discovered was associated with the mold and Polk, with its dwindling student body, had more than enough room to accommodate McKinley students. Still that hadn't made it any less shitty. Changing schools in the middle of your senior year had to be the worst thing ever, or at least a close second behind childbirth, medical procedures without anesthesia, and broken bones.

Maybe she was being a little dramatic. The year wasn't all bad. Yeah there were some good points—gaining early acceptance into two of her top three schools certainly hadn't been horrible. Neither was her high GPA. Luckily, she used her heartache and channeled all of her frustration on her studies. And she was excelling. She was a straight-A student as far as she was concerned (especially since Physics didn't count in her mind).

She soon found out how important Physics was because the pièce de résistance, the rotten cherry on top of the moldy ice cream Sundae that was her life, happened a few minutes ago. She just had a meeting with her new principal to discuss her grades. On her first day! He was concerned about her Physics average, so much so that he warned she may not graduate with her peers. He droned on and on about some grade improvement program afterschool which she properly tuned out. Didn't he realize that a 67 was passing? Dr. Mortimer, her old principal, was never concerned about her grades. He even called her his 'shining star.' So why was this balding man with a slight lisp talking about his concern when he didn't know her? Glancing at the letter for her father, she rolled her eyes and fling it in her locker.

She closed her eyes for a second before ticking the date off in her calendar. Seven more months. Just seven months and she would be out of here.

"I can't wait to show everyone what a star I am." Rachel Berry beamed in her annoyingly smug yet obtuse way. She was Mercedes' best friend, sure, but that didn't mean she never entertained thoughts of strangling the sometimes overbearing songbird. Mercedes patted her friend on the shoulder. "Rachel, I say this with love. How about you tone down the 'I'm better than everyone' stuff so you don't get your ass kicked the first day?"

Rachel scoffed and immediately frowned when she got a whiff of Mercedes locker. "I'm not better than everyone else._ We're_ better than everyone else and the sooner you accept it the sooner you'll shine like you were meant to."

She smiled, knowing that Rachel always meant well. No matter how much the girl aggravated her Mercedes knew how much she cared. They just balanced each other out. It had always been that way. "Thanks, but I'll just be happy getting through this year."

Mercedes smirked when she felt two big hands cover her eyes and she heard Rachel groan beside her.

"This better be Lance Gross, or I'll be _real_ disappointed."

He leaned in and whispered in her ear. "This ain't Lance Gross but I can guarantee you won't be disappointed."

Dropping his hands from her face she giggled, turned around, and enveloped him in a hug.

"So word on the street is you had to go to the principal's office on the first day." He flung his arm around her shoulder. "That's pretty badass."

Before she could respond, Rachel took it upon herself to. "No Noah that is not 'badass' that is unacceptable. This is horrible Mercedes, what will your father say? This is our final year. Our last chance. You can't make a bad first impression with our new principal. He could _fail_ you, and I can't have a Lima Loser for a best friend. I just can't." Rachel then turned her focus to Noah. "And I hope you use this opportunity to turn over a new leaf Noah. These people don't know about your criminal history or philandering ways. Maybe you can actually graduate with the rest of us." She flicked her hair and flittered down the hallway while Puck sneered watching her.

Mercedes grit her teeth as Puck stood beside her fuming. "New school and I still have to deal with her uptight ass."

She hit his arm playfully and closed her locker. "There's still hope for her. You know sometimes change can be good."

He looked at her surprised. Mercedes Jones? Embracing change? Who was this girl and what had she done with his friend? "I doubt any change would help Rachel Berry."

* * *

Sam drummed nervous fingers on the table and sipped his lukewarm coffee. He looked around the teacher's lounge and couldn't help the pride that swelled in him. Yeah it was a long hard road but he had made it. He was actually going to be doing something he always wanted to. Still, he could feel the butterflies in his stomach and couldn't shake the feeling that he was just a kid pretending to be grown up and his students would find out and eat him alive.

He was incredibly blessed. He focused all of his energy on his studies and was able to graduate a semester early. Everything was in his favor when his mentor, a former dean of students in a high school, got wind of some teaching opportunities at his old job. Sam applied, flew down for the interview, and within a few weeks he was flying back, bags packed, leased signed, ready to begin his foray into the working world. He hadn't mind moving far away from his family, opting to take this as an opportunity to re-invent himself. Maybe he could heal and let go of the girl he couldn't have.

But his heart ached when his mentor mentioned the mid-western state. He thought about her every day. Wondered how she was doing, prayed she was happy. Their last interaction had been just a few weeks ago, after his graduation ceremony, and it left him more broken than before.

FLASHBACK

_Sam stood in the sea of graduates smiling and waving at his family. This was it—he was well and truly on his own. After shaking hands, hugs, and exchanging numbers he stepped into a quieter place when he heard his phone ring. _

"_Hello?" _

"_Sam?"_

_He took a deep breath when he realized who it was and moved further down the hall. He needed as much privacy with her as he could get. "Mercedes?"_

_His heart raced as he waited for her to say something. He couldn't think of anything that wasn't inappropriate. He wanted to let her know how much he loved her. How he saw her face every time he closed his eyes. How he hadn't had a proper night's sleep since she laid in his arms. But he couldn't. More than that he shouldn't so he waited. Just being on the phone with her was making him unravel. He wanted her here beside him. But he'd settle for hearing her breathe on the line._

_After several agonizing minutes of anticipating the dial tone she spoke. "Congratulations." And just like that she was gone, he heard the phone click and knew she wasn't calling him again._

END OF FLASHBACK

He shook his head thinking it would erase all memories of her. He couldn't be thinking about her here—his first day at a new job. He had big shoes to fill. Taking over for a beloved physics teachers who due to a medical procedure was out for the rest of the year was going to be tough. Adding an after school grade improvement program for struggling students was going to be unbearable. But he had always thrived in high stress situations and was sure he would do well here. In fact the principal practically gave his word that should he excel this year, he could take on more classes next year. He checked his watch, downed the rest of his coffee and prepared to get his class roster from the main office.


	8. Chapter 8

Here's the next chapter. Big hugs for everyone who reads this. I love you all!

* * *

Mercedes walked into the Physics room, checking that she was in the right place. Since her trip to the principal's office, she wanted to make sure she made a good impression with her new teacher. The least she could do was show that she'd make an effort. She pulled Puck alongside her despite his protestations that badasses didn't go to class early. She rolled her eyes and responded with "well badassess also graduate on time. Don't forget that promise we made."

He huffed and shoved his hands in his front hoodie pocket. He knew exactly what she was talking about.

FLASHBACK

McKinley High School Library

Mid October

After a particularly grueling economics study session with Mercedes, he was ready to quit. These dates and theories were jumbled together and he couldn't make sense of it. There were all these rich old white guys discussing money and influence. Why should it matter what they said, they benefited from a shitty economy! In fact it was in their best interests to ruin it more. It was making his head hurt.

She watched his expression and pouted. She could tell he wasn't trying, could see him giving up. Closing the book she leaned closer to him, her wooden chair creaking softly in the otherwise quiet library.

"Puck."

He looked up at her waiting for her to continue.

"We've known each other a few weeks now and I consider you my friend. I fight for my friends and I'll fight for you just like I know you'll fight for me." She lifted her pinky and suspended it in the air, hoping he'd return the gesture.

"I want you to promise me something. Promise me you'll fight for yourself. That you'll try your best. Promise that we'll end this year in our cap and gowns, sitting on that stage together."

His eyes softened as he took in the friendly gesture. He had gone through his life thinking nobody cared. Now this girl he barely knew was proving him wrong. She made him want to try, to make her proud. She made him feel he was worth something, could see in her eyes that her concern was sincere.

Leaning forward he hooked his pinky around hers and kissed it lightly. This was one promise he was intent on keeping.

END OF FLASHBACK

Puck didn't realize it at the time but that was the day he fell a little in love with Mercedes Jones. The days following only helped to solidify that.

"Fine but I hope you know all this going to class early is bad for my image."

She nudged his arm with her shoulder and looked up at him. "I'm sure you'll survive."

They sat in the back of the classroom him drumming on the desk and her feverishly writing in her planner. As the students started to fill and converse with no sign of their teacher, Puck's eyes began to droop.

Sam rushed out of the office to his class looking at his watch as if he could turn time back with his mind. Shit. He was going to be late. On his first day. With a huge coffee stain on his shirt. He couldn't think of how this could be worse. To top it all off, he didn't have time to go over the class roster and didn't want to humiliate himself by mispronouncing a student's name. He took a deep breath and turned the knob. Guess he couldn't worry about that now.

"Good Morning everyone." He strolled in and picked up a dry erase marker proceeding to write his name on the board.

Mercedes' father told her a story of how she once walked past a robbery without flinching. She hadn't realized what was going on around her because she was too busy running errands for him. She didn't believe him until she turned on the local news station and saw herself scurry across the screen. It seems that she was so focused it was easy to ignore things around her, easy to be ignorant of the danger that surrounded her. Not this time. She heard his voice clear as day and she knew it was Sam. She knew it in the way her breathing hallowed, the way her pulse quickened, the inexplicable whirls in her stomach. Still she couldn't look up, she wouldn't do anything to confirm his presence here. He was far away living a life without her. She could (try to) deal with that. But his voice meant he was here. And here was a place she couldn't handle him being. So she closed her eyes and slid further down in her chair actually hoping she was losing her mind.

"Before we begin I need to check attendance." He got through the first few names easily, stumbled on one and stopped all together when he was faced with an all too familiar name.

"Mercedes Jones?" His voice cracked. He was sure his students thought he was nervous but he was beyond that. He was frightened. He was already having trouble staying away from her and they were thousands of miles away from each other. How was he going to hide his feelings if he had to see her every day? His eyes scanned the room looking for her, hoping and praying that he wouldn't find her. When he saw her hand raise he knew he was doomed. There she was, sitting with her head down like she were trying to stay hidden.

Sam cleared his throat and moved on to the next name. He had to. He couldn't lose his cool here. He could feel himself unraveling by the second and needed his brain to take control of the situation. Turning around, he focused all of his attention on the board. He never once looked out to the class, never addressed his students. He knew he was starting off horribly but he didn't know what to do. It took everything in him to be in the same room with her and not kiss her.

He read from the textbook all the while piling on unnecessary classroom assignments. The class thought he was being a hard-ass. A first time teacher who felt students needed a drill sergeant to learn. Who was trying to assert himself in a place he was a part of as a student not too long ago. In actuality he was being a coward. He was biding his time and trying to think about what he could say to her. He had to say something right?

Mercedes actually relaxed when the bell rung. If she could make it to the door she could talk to the roster chair about changes classes. There was no way she could stay here.

She was almost out the room when he called her back. "Miss Jones? May I have a word?" Shit. She should have known it wouldn't be that easy. Puck grabbed her shoulders and she looked up at him, oblivious to the clenched jaw Sam was sporting at their interaction. Puck wagged his finger in front of her face. "Twice in a day, Jones. You're a bad influence. What am I going to do with you?"

She shoved him a little and he dramatically fell forward. "Maybe it has nothing to do with me. Maybe he wants to talk to me about my friend who slept through his class?"

He looked at Mr. Evans a moment and smiled down at her. "Whatever, Jones. I'll grab us a table. Leaning forward he kissed her cheek. "I can't guarantee your food will still be there if you take too long."

She shook her head watching him walk away. She needed that before she stepped into the lion's den. Watching the last student leave the classroom she turned to see Sam lock the door and draw the blinds.

"Mr. Evans?"

He hated that name coming from her mouth. It felt alien, unnatural. "Please don't call me that. Not when we're alone." His whispers seemed to fill the empty room and echo against the walls.

She bit her lip and looked down. She couldn't call him that. The man standing by the window trying to make sure the blinds were completely shut wasn't Sam. At least wasn't _her_ Sam.

"Mercedes, I. You." He blew out a deep breath. "I-I don't know what to do here." He stuffed his hands in his pockets knowing if he hadn't they would roam to her familiar places.

She shrugged still not meeting his gaze. It wasn't like she was an expert in this area either. "I didn't know you worked here." She blurted it out. He needed to know she didn't plan this.

"This is a shock to me too. I thought you went to McKinley?" He scratched his chin hoping she didn't ask how he knew that. She didn't need to know he begged her aunt for her address after he left, finding out not only when her first day was but also her address and school. Luckily Mercedes' aunt didn't know about the age discovery. He suspected she wouldn't have been as forthcoming with the information had she known.

Mercedes frowned thinking headaches, nausea and hallucinations didn't seem so bad right now. "It was condemned."

He heard some teachers talking about it earlier and cursed his ability to tune people out. Maybe he could have prepared himself for seeing her. Although in all honesty nothing probably could prepare him for this.

"I need this class to graduate," she revealed, letting him know she was planning to transfer.

"I'm the only Physics teacher."

Right. Of course he was. It was the only thing that made sense. It seems the universe was conspiring against them. "I don't know what we are going to do. But I do know that I'm happy to see you."

She looked up at him then, this earnest smile both filling and breaking her heart.

It was all in his eyes—she was still his. They still belonged to each other. With no other thought of consequences she cleared the distance between them, grabbed his arms and drew him closer. She wanted to stay angry with him, repeat her mantra of 'you're just a kid to him,' remember how he made her feel when he walked away, but she couldn't. It wasn't real and it betrayed every good memory they had.

She breathed him in. That scent she couldn't get enough of not too long ago. The scent that made her reasoning skills and morality short-circuit. She pressed a fevered kiss to his mouth, remembering the taste of his cherry chap stick and the plump of his lips. Then another. And another. At first she thought she was alone in her feelings, until she felt him retuning her kisses with equal fervor. Short brushes gave way to longer sips where tongues collided and sighs were produced. She was making him melt into her.

And for a moment he let her. For a moment he gave in to his feelings for her, let summer memories wash over him and guide his actions. He missed her. He could lose it all, and he would willingly, just for the opportunity to stay next to her. But this was wrong on so many levels. She was his student. He had a responsibility to be a role model. And he loved her. So he also had a greater responsibility to protect her heart. Going down this road could only lead to heartache, and he wouldn't be selfish with her. This couldn't happen. Grabbing her wrists he stepped out of the kiss and pulled her away. "Mercedes. We can't do this." His breathing was ragged, broken as he tried to restore the breath she took away.

Nodding she stepped further away from him and grabbed her books. Of course they couldn't do this. She felt humiliated, rejected and ashamed. Most of all she was angry with herself. She knew how hard he worked to become a teacher. Knew he had a lot riding on this. And now she completely acted like a hormonal teenager and risked his career. "You're right. I'm so sorry Sa—I mean Mr. Evans. I didn't mean to cause trouble for you."

She smiled sadly at him and clutched her long-forgotten books tighter to her chest as if those bound pieces of paper could shield her from her feelings for her now-teacher. "I'm really proud of you. I think you'll be a great teacher."

He touched his lips as he watched her run from the room. It was still there—the crackle that ripped through his body whenever their lips touched. But it wasn't worth the devastation. He knew what he had to do. He had to let her go, truly. He would have to keep things professional. He would have to work harder to keep her from his heart.

* * *

Mercedes kept looking straight ahead and tried to ignore the bouncing girl beside her who was hanging on her arm.

"You are so lucky to be taking a class with 'Mr Lips'." She then wiggled her eyebrows and pursed her lips together laughing as her best friend roll her eyes beside her. "And you get to spend time with him _afterschoo_l." Rachel was acting just like a groupie. To be fair most of the girls (and some of the guys) had been acting that way about the hot new Physics teacher.

"Seriously Mercedes could you imagine what those lips could do? How they would feel wrapped around your…"

Rachel's words had Mercedes eliciting memories that made her shut her eyes and clench her thighs. "Rachel! That's disgusting."

The normally polished girl shrugged and smiled lecherously. "Please. Compared to what these other girls were saying, that was innocent." She hooked her arm around Mercedes and kept walking. "I don't know how you can concentrate with him around."

Truth be told, Mercedes didn't know if she could at all. She already felt so out-of-place in his presence. As if someone could see the looks she pretends she doesn't toss his way and know her feelings. She loved him. Still. God help her, she never stopped. But she was getting there. She was getting to okay and all of a sudden he's back in her life, tearing that progress she made.

Mercedes unhooked her arm and waved to Rachel. She barely listened to her friend talk about her first day here. Barely heard anything because she knew she would have to walk into that classroom and pretend Mr. Evans was nothing more than her teacher. Her only saving grace was that there would be other students, buffers that would help her stay focused.


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks to everyone who's still reading this. Special thanks to anyone who reviewed/alerted. Please forgive any errors you may find. I promise to go back and fix them (sometime).

* * *

Mercedes walked in hesitantly, as if she were waiting for more students to pop up from behind the door. "Where's everyone?"

Sam walked over to her warily, his mind replaying the last time they were close. "Well I guess you're it." Grabbing his paper he scratched his chin. "Maybe," He grabbed the paper and read the other name on it. "Tina Cohen Chang is running a little late?"

Mercedes scoffed and took a seat near the window. Of course things would work out this way. "Tina's not coming." Tina's reputation preceded her. She never went to her classes, but always handed in her assignments. They probably would have expelled her if she weren't such a genius. She use to complain about how crooked the education system was. How they rewarded children for memorization and not innovation. She even called honor students 'robots'. Mercedes was always a little jealous of how easy she had it. Of how smart she was without even trying. She would have made a good friend if she wasn't such an asshole. Besides, Rachel already filled her asshole friend quota. Still Mercedes admired her bravery and how Tina would happily go against the grain. And according to Puck, she was his first heartbreak. Told him she couldn't date fake people and when he was interested in being real to call her. There was no way Tina was going to do anything she didn't want to do, even though Mercedes definitely needed her as a buffer.

He looked a little nervous and a lot concerned by the prospect of spending the afternoon alone with her, but he smiled and tried to hide it the best he could. "Okay well let's get started."

He pulled a chair next to her and she tried to focus on her textbook. "Where do you seem to be struggling?"

"Everywhere."

He laughed at how cute she looked, then averted his gaze to her book. "You know, I think you could like physics. It's all about balance, symmetry. Applying rules to how we relate to matter and energy and how they interact."

Mercedes listened intently if only to watch his face light up when he discussed this topic. He was definitely meant to be a teacher.

After an hour of explaining theories and solving crazy equations, he turned the page to her and asked her to solve one. At first she looked at him. He must have been crazy. Didn't he know she was failing? Without thinking she answered the equation and slid it over to him closing her eyes. She waited for a sigh, something that would tell her she was wrong, but she didn't find one. Instead she opened her eyes to find him smiling brightly at her. "You did it babe."

She hadn't realized what he said, too excited that she got something right. In a move that blurred the boundary between student and teacher she leaped up and hugged him closely, letting her small hands roam his back.

Sam couldn't handle this. Outside he was collected but inside his stomach was doing flips. She couldn't be this close to him. Not without him kissing her breathless.

Regaining control of the situation he pulled away and cleared his throat. "I got carried away. I shouldn't have called you that. I'm sorry."

She swallowed the emotion that threatened to bubble to the surface and collected her things. "No need to apologize Mr. Evans. It was an honest mistake."

"Mercedes, please don't call me that."

She backed away to the door and looked at him one last time. "I have to."

Mercedes got home and dropped her bag by the door. Immediately she headed into the kitchen, washed her hands, and began making dinner for her father. It was a nightly routine that she grew accustomed to. Two years after her mother's death 7-year-old Mercedes tiptoed into the kitchen and caught her father sobbing over another burnt pan. Cooking wasn't his specialty. Neither was cleaning or organization—that was her mother's domain. And for two years the remaining Jones' floundered in her absence. When she saw her father break down after another failed attempt at cooking dinner her eyes began to well. She had never seen her father cry before that—not even at her mother's funeral. She was afraid he was unhappy, that he would leave her and she would be alone. In hindsight, she realizes he probably felt inept to deal with a young child. He really shouldn't have. At the time she didn't care about burnt eggs or cereal for dinner. All she knew was she had her dad. And she would do anything to keep him. Grabbing the pan from his hands young Mercedes dumped it in the trash, stood on the stepstool and reached for another skillet. Then in a gesture beyond her years, she grabbed eggs, flour, vanilla, milk and salt and began making pancake batter. Her father, wracked with guilt and failure, didn't even notice what she was doing until he smelled the pancakes as she flipped them in the pan. She told him not to cry and that she was going to make it better.

From that day forward she made dinner for them. What started as small meals quickly became full course dinners and she was happy the smile on her father's face returned. Now that she was headed to college she felt guilty at the prospect of leaving him behind, unable to shake that childhood image of a broken and crumbling Darryl Jones from her mind.

But things had changed recently. Her father had been coming home later and later. He changed his wardrobe, had a goofy grin when he texted and began talking about adventure activities like skydiving, rock climbing and bungee jumping. The writing was on the wall even if he failed to mention it—he was seeing someone. She knew it was irrational to be mad. That things would inevitably change and he would eventually move on from her mother. But she couldn't help but feel hurt, betrayed even. It was as if she were being replaced along with her mother's memory and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it.

More determined than ever Mercedes went to her room and dug up some more information on Tina Cohen Chang. She had to get the girl to come to the afterschool program. She couldn't handle another disappointment. Eventually her mind drifted back to Sam and she fell back on the bed, defeated. She didn't know how she was going to make it until graduation. There were times like this when she really missed her mother. When she knew no one else would do. What she wouldn't give for one of her mother's famous hugs now. Even at 5 she knew those things could right any wrong.

She also needed to get out of this house. She'd never realized how big and imposing it was. How empty it was. How many memories stifled her here. These nights without her father made her excited for the cramped dorm rooms that were in her not-so-distant future. Grabbing her keys and bag she locked the door and headed to the bookstore. She planned on creating some flashcards for physics. Maybe she could spend some extra time studying and she wouldn't need that afterschool program. A girl could dream.

Once she got to the bookstore she was happy for the quiet it provided. It was different from the emptiness she felt at home. Here quiet was encouraged. She made a conscious decision to spend more time in the bookstore. Mercedes loved finding a little nook where she could study or flip through books and not be bothered. It was her nirvana.

She opened up her books and highlighters, fanning them on the table she occupied. She sighed, feeling overwhelmed but never admitting defeat. She knew she needed help, even as she stubbornly highlighted every word on the page. She looked up when she saw a book drop on the table. He flinched a little at the impact and waved slightly at her. So much for being discreet. Looking up into the familiar eyes that haunted her dreams she saw him, and he looked like he did in the summer. Sam was dressed casually—A pair of dark wash jeans, converse sneakers and a hoodie from his alma mater. She missed this look, missed this side of him. "I didn't know you would be here." She grabbed her things and stuffed them in her bag, eager to get away from him.

He touched her arm gently, stilling her movements. He hated how easy it always was for her to leave him. "I know Mercedes, I don't think you followed me. In fact I'm pretty sure you were here before me, so if anyone should leave it should be me."

She looked down at her thumbs and mumbled something she wished he didn't hear.

But he did and he took it as his cue to stay. "Do you mind if I sit here?"

She shook her head and lifted her head to his gaze, giving him a tentative smile.

Going back to her work she smiled when she saw what he was reading. "A cookbook?"

He lifted his gaze from the book to acknowledge her question. "Yeah. It's my first time having to fend for myself and I'm tired of eating sandwiches."

She laughed at him, quickly covered her mouth when she received stares and went back to her jumbled notes. He really was adorable. "I could teach you, you know." Her statement hung in the air. It was one that crossed the line between what they currently are and what they use to be. And memories of Mercedes cooking him dinner did nothing to help their current predicament. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make it weirder."

He waved his hand around to let her know there was no harm done. He was already tired of walking on eggshells with her. "Believe me I wish you could. But we both know you can't."

She could feel it happening, feel herself blurring that line again. Instead of giving in she was going to walk away. "Well. I should be going now. Good luck with your cookbook Mr. Evans."

He stood up with her and grabbed his book. "It's late. I can't let you walk to your car alone."

"I'll be fine."

"Please?"

He did a little victory dance when she conceded.

They walked to her car in silence, he looked straight ahead and she focused on the gravel beneath her feet.

She knew leaving this place, putting distance between herself and Sam was the mature thing to do but the prospect of going home to an empty house was making her heart heavy. These past months were finally catching up to her—first love and heartbreak, turning 18, college acceptances, transferring schools, her father's girlfriend and Sam as her teacher. There were so many changes and right now they were overwhelming. She hadn't realized they reached her car; that she was just standing there until she felt him wipe a tear from her eye.

Letting his hand linger longer than necessary, he touched her cheek as his thumb wandered to her jaw and chin before he stuffed it in his pocket and clutched his keys. She was going to be the death of him. "What's wrong?"

She could see his breath in the cold air. It was inviting, felt warm to her skin. Still she wouldn't give in like before. Shaking her head she turned away from him and grabbed her door handle.

He touched her shoulder, unfairly asking her to let him in. "Pickles…"

Damn him for using that nickname that made her melt. She shuddered as she tried (and failed) to keep everything together and turned to look at him. "I know I'm strong. That I can do everything on my own, because I've had to. But all I want is for someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright. Is that too much to ask?"

He shook his head and looked out in the distance. Grabbing her waist he drew her closer where he proceeded to envelope her in a warm hug. He then kissed her head and spoke into her hair. "I hate this. I want to be that person to hold you and tell you everything's going to be alright. You have no idea how much I want to make this all better but I can't."

She stepped out of his embrace and missed his warmth. "I know you can't and it wasn't fair of me to unload on you. I'm sorry Sam." Slipping into the car she peeled out of the small lot leaving Sam alone, bewildered and sad.

Mercedes woke up stiff and tired. Her eyes were puffy and her hands tingled from her sleeping on them all night. In short she looked as miserable as she felt. She cried herself to sleep finally allowing herself to release months of pent-up frustration. And when morning came, she made no effort to jump into her usual routine. Calling Puck, she cancelled their morning jog in favor of a long bubble bath. She knew her father never came home and a part of her wanted to pretend that she didn't know. She didn't want to deal with this. Not yet. She would have to come face to face with her biggest fear (being replaced).

Yawning she stretched and made her way to her room to lotion and get dressed. She was going to convince Tina to attend the grade improvement program. Yep, it was going to be a long day. Opting to grab breakfast on the way, she grabbed some money from the emergency stash in the kitchen cookie jar, locked the door and headed to school.

She pulled up to the senior parking early, the morning fog still hanging in the air. Walking over to the girl she paused a little. She always found Tina a little intimidating. Probably because the girl was so perceptive.

"Tina?"

The girl looked up from a stack of papers she was filling out confused as to why Mercedes was speaking to her. "Are you lost Jones?"

Mercedes handed her a coffee and shook her head. "I'm actually here to talk to you."

Tina took it warily and sipped it. Her eyebrows shot up when she tasted it—dark roast, two creams three sugars. Someone did their research.

Mercedes could tell Tina was impressed she knew how she took her coffee. She would have to thank Puck for that tidbit later.

"Let's cut to the chase—what do you want?" She took another sip of her coffee. Damn that shit was good.

"You were supposed to go to the afterschool program to raise your physics grade?"

Tina shrugged and waited for Mercedes to get to the point. "I'm aware."

"Well I was hoping you could go. If only for a little while?"

"What's in it for me?"

"A better grade?" Mercedes knew that was enough motivation for her, but Tina would probably need more.

Tina shook her head. "Do better Bambi. I could care less about grades."

Handing the girl a donut, Mercedes continued. "How about the satisfaction of knowing you cut every class and still ended up being valedictorian?"

"I like that, but let's be honest…they're never going to make me valedictorian."

Mercedes frowned as she tried to figure out ways to have Tina attend. She smiled brightly as an idea popped into her head. "You want to be a lawyer right? Well I happen to know some pre-law programs frown on bad attendance. Perhaps a glowing recommendation from a well-known lawyer will help them overlook your many absences?"

Tina bristled. How did Mercedes know she wanted to be a lawyer? Tina wanted to help her out for that alone. The recommendation would just be a bonus. "I'll consider it."

"Really?"

Tina tilted her head to the side regarding the shorter girl. She knew something was up. In all their years of attending the same school Mercedes had never uttered more than a hello to her. What did she want now? "On one condition." Tina's smirk was downright menacing.

Mercedes didn't like that look in her eye. Not one little bit. "Okay?"

Tina leaned back, her legs dangling from the tall stone slab she was perched on. "You tell me what's in it for you."

Mercedes sputtered. She should have expected Tina would pick up on her desperation. "I can't tell you that. Just know it's a really good reason."

Tina mulled it over and held her hand out. "I'll accept that…for now."

Mercedes grabbed her hand and shook it. "Thanks Tina, I'll see you later."

Tina grabbed her papers and made her way to the office. "Thanks for breakfast Jones."


	10. Chapter 10

**I can't believe I'm at 10 chapters already! Thank you so much readers and reviewers! I'm pretty sure there are mistakes. Please forgive any you see.**

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Rachel was a good friend. She always looked out for and protected those around her. She gave helpful advice or reality checks when needed. She was always one to help her friends down the right path. Which is why Mercedes' recent behavior was concerning. She noticed changes as soon as Mercedes got back from Virginia Beach. Mercedes was more withdrawn, sadder than usual. She seemed miserable. But all that seemed to lessen when she started hanging out with Noah. Speaking of which, her friend was so blind. How could she not realize Noah wanted more than her friendship? She was sure everyone saw it but Mercedes. But the final straw was that letter from their new principal. Failing physics was a cry for attention. Maybe that afterschool program would be the kick in the pants she needed to get on track. She thought Mercedes was going to be fine, that is, until she saw her this morning. Rachel always got to school early so naturally she saw her friend conversing with Tina Cohen Chang. She just added it to the mounting list of perplexing things about Mercedes. The top of the list was what she encountered yesterday afternoon before lunch.

When she waited for her friend outside of her Physics class and watched students file out while Mercedes still remained, Rachel got nervous. When she saw Mr. Evans draw the blinds that nervousness turned to curiosity. She waited for Mercedes to say something about it, but the girl remained characteristically quiet. What were they doing? Why did he need privacy?

Her mind went to bad places. Maybe Mercedes was so desperate for a good grade she tried seducing the young teacher? Maybe Mr. Evans was so embarrassed he tried to spare her feelings by privately turning her down? She could see no other alternative. At this point she had more questions than answers and that just would not do.

Poor Mercedes. She knew her friend had goals but was doubtful she could achieve them. She wasn't talented like her, wasn't smart like her. Certainly wasn't driven like her. Rachel had it all figured out. She framed her admission to NYADA and counted down to her audition in the spring with vocal trainings in the mornings. And Mercedes with her three admissions letters seemed indecisive. People who were sure didn't need a backup plan.

But Rachel couldn't dwell on her friend for much longer because she was in love. It was real and deep and was better than any feeling she had ever had before. She knew it the first moment she saw him. Mr. Evans was so adorable with his glasses and coffee stained shirt. Every moment since she had been drawn to him. She rolled her eyes at all the girls she heard whispering about her man. They would never have him. She knew something they didn't-Rachel Berry always got what she wanted, and Mr. Evans better watch out because she had her sights set on him. She just needed a plan and he would be hers.

Mercedes sat in her free period mulling over the conversation she heard. She hadn't realized how difficult it was for Sam to have so much female attention. She watched as he adjusted his tie and spoke to coach Bieste about being gentle when he let some girls down. About making sure he never led them on. He also spoke about being shocked at some girl's boldness. It made her sad to hear he was struggling and yes she had known a lot of these girls most of her life and she could say they were very bold. But hearing about the lengths they were willing to going to for his attention was pathetic. He even said one teen followed him home. It was too dark for him to see who it was. Luckily he made some crazy turns and lost them before they saw him enter his apartment. Mercedes walked away at this, heading towards her locker. She didn't want to be another complication to him. Teaching was his dream, and all of this unwanted attention probably made him want to reconsider the profession. She didn't know how but she vowed to make things a little easier for him by removing herself from the long list of girls who pined and obsessed over 'Mr. Lips'.

As the day wore on she was a nervous wreck thinking about seeing Sam after school. Would Tina show up? Would she be enough to stop Mercedes from acting on impulse? After her talk with Tina, she felt better about going to class. She even spent most of her time paying attention (okay by paying attention she meant passing notes with Puck) but still her attention wasn't solely focused on Sam—no, Mr. Evans. Shaking her head she wondered if she would ever get used to calling him that. If she could ignore the time they spent together. Compartmentalize her feelings as a summer fling and move on.

Opening the door, she was relieved to see Tina sitting in one of the many empty chairs. Maybe this year wouldn't be so bad after all. She barely spared him a second glance when she tried to solve the problem on the board but she heard him congratulate Tina on a correct answer. Spending an equal amount of attention on her he walked over and congratulated her as well. "At this rate you guys will be 'A' students in no time. Let's see if we can keep up the pace. You have a big exam next week, worth half your grade and I'm going to make sure you're prepared."

Tina looked bored with it all whizzing through her problems. She even took time to paint her nails. Mercedes took a longer time, went through several steps, but she got to the right answer.

"I've taken the liberty to create sample tests that will help you with the test. Tina I have more for you since you missed our first session." He passed Tina the papers, ignoring her feigned enthusiasm. As soon as it turned 4pm, he glanced at his watch said his goodbyes and bolted out of the room. Mercedes wondered what was so important he couldn't wait to leave but reminded herself to mind her business. What Mr. Evans did was of no concern to her.

Mercedes grabbed her books and smiled at Tina. She went through the whole day and didn't focus on Mr. Evans once. She'd call that progress. She was heading out when she heard Tina's sinister laugh.

"I didn't think you had it in you Jones, but you are a mess. You _like_ him, don't you?"

She crossed her arms and arched her brows smiling at the sputtering girl in front of her. There was no use denying it. Mercedes was so transparent, she wore her emotions on her face. The only question was whether Mr. Evans reciprocated those feelings. Finding out was going to be _fun_.

Mercedes stood wide-eyed at Tina's question. Shit. She didn't know how to respond. If she said no too quickly Tina would know she was lying. If she denied it, Tina would know she protested too much. If she said yes, she would be no different from the gaggle of groupies in his fan club. Plus Tina was intuitive enough to prod for more information. She hated this. She hated overanalyzing everything when it came to Sam. Mercedes decided to avoid the question altogether.

"Tina how long have we been going to school together?"

Mercedes' question threw her for a loop. "Since Kindergarten. Why?"

"Well I know we aren't really friends but I care about you and want us to graduate together. If you're not in this program you don't graduate with us." It wasn't really a lie, just wasn't the whole truth.

Tina wasn't buying it and didn't bother to hide her laughter now. Mercedes was really shoveling it. "Oh come on. That's bullshit and we both know it, Jones. You expect me to believe you really care about me? We're practically strangers. And don't think you're off the hook. It's real _interesting _how you didn't answer my question. No worries, though. I'll figure it out." Grabbing her papers, she stuffed them in her bag and waved goodbye. "Catch you later LMN. It's going to be a good semester."

Mercedes sighed not even bothering to ask why Tina called her that. She already had too many things to worry about. Chief among them was trying to mask her feelings for Mr. Evans in front of Tina. It was going to be a long four months until graduation.

Stepping out of the class, Rachel grabbed her arm as she rushed Mercedes out the door. "Mercedes, I need your help." Mercedes eyed her warily. Bouncy heels, infectious smile, excitement for no apparent reason. Yep, it was certain—Rachel was in love again.

Mercedes thought her friend was usually independent and strong, but when it came to the opposite sex, the girl was a hot ass mess. Take Finn Hudson for example. When Mercedes solemnly vowed to never talk to him after the 5th grade pickle debacle, Rachel began to take a liking to him. She followed and stalked the boy mercilessly, making him her whole world. Their on and off again relationship lasted for years, spanning five grades. She wouldn't be shocked if Rachel decided to try again with him, if only for 'old time's sake'

Her foray into dating with Jessie St. James wasn't any better. Mercedes remembered how the curly-haired boy asked her out first, and how she politely declined. She didn't have time for romance, but her friend was happy to say yes to him. They dated for a few months and Mercedes tried to pretend she didn't see that look of longing in his eyes directed towards her whenever she was around the couple. In the end he left town after writing Rachel a note about how boring she was and how he was always in love with someone else. Mercedes' couch was still wet with all the tears she cried into it after he left.

All of Rachel's romantic entanglements were disastrous and for some reason Mercedes always ended up caught in the middle.

"Rachel…It's our senior year. I thought we weren't focusing on boys this year."

Rachel flagged the comment away, forgetting they made that pact (mostly for her benefit) at the beginning of the year. "Sometimes you have to break your own rules, Mercedes. Besides I'm not as pious as you. You're strong enough to turn off your feelings, but not me. I'm in love. It's real and I can't let it go." _If only she knew_. Mercedes rolled her eyes, smelling the awaiting disaster in the air even as Rachel continued speaking.

"So I was able to find out where he lives and I was wondering if we could have an old-fashioned stake-out?" She waved the binoculars she pulled out of her bag in Mercedes' face.

"This is a seriously horrible idea. Weren't you just in love with that Brody guy last week?"

Rachel shook her head, annoyed that her friend would bring him up. "No. That was a mistake. This." She clapped her hands together and sighed dreamily. "Is true love."

Mercedes knew this was bad but Rachel was someone who never heeded warnings. She preferred to have things blow up in her face before realizing her errors. "Lead me to the cliff Thelma."

Rachel jumped. She was excited her friend was cooperating. "I promise this will be worth it Louise."

_Famous last words._

Mercedes and Rachel rode around for an hour and a half while Rachel tried to remember where she was going. "Maybe we should go back. If we drove around 45 minutes in the daylight and couldn't find it we're not going to find it in the dark."

"Sometimes life throws us obstacles. But that doesn't mean we should give up. It means we should try harder."

Mercedes shook her head at her friend's faux wisdom. Rachel still didn't get that sometimes things are harder because they weren't meant to be. Mercedes was still trying to figure out which one applied to her relationship with Sam.

Rachel squealed and Mercedes turned to look at her. "I think this is it." Rachel pulled up on one block that had duplexes and houses all of them looking cookie cutter. But before they got anywhere her engine sputtered while Rachel began to park. It was then Mercedes saw her check engine light. "Umm Rachel, how long has that light been on?" The girl shrugged in response. "A few months, why?"

Before Mercedes could respond a plume of smoke rose from the hood and the car began to shake, taking the words from her mouth. "We have to get out of here." Not even bothering to grab the keys Rachel ran out and slammed the door standing beside a worried Mercedes.

Fishing through her bag, Mercedes went to call for help. As if this night couldn't get any better, she noticed her phone wouldn't turn on. "Shit. No battery. We'll have to use yours."

It was then Rachel realized that she had her phone fully charged and securely tucked away—in her locked car.

"Rachel where's your phone?"

Her voice was low, barely audible. "In the car."

Mercedes looked at the keys which were still in the ignition and groaned. She really didn't need this. "Okay we're going to have to ask someone to borrow a phone."

Rachel gasped at that suggestion and held one hand to her chest, as if the idea left her scandalized. "You mean you want to knock on stranger's doors asking to use a phone. I don't know Mercedes, that doesn't seem very smart."

Mercedes laughed letting her agitation show. "Believe me sweetie we passed smart a long time ago when I let you drag me here. In fact you passed it when you thought it was a good idea to stalk a boy. Now I'm cold and it's getting late. I'm going to ask someone if I can use their phone. You can stay your ass here and freeze for all I care." She hugged her purple wool coat closer to her and walked down the street, hoping this wasn't going to bite her in the ass.

The first house (or apartment) she found didn't answer the door. After waiting 5 minutes she gave up and turned to the adjacent apartment. When she knocked and didn't get a response she was about to move to the next unit when the door swung open. And her mouth dropped at what she found. There stood Mr. Evans, towel slung low on his hips, water beading and falling down his chest. She tried to look away, tried to avert her eyes, but she looked longer than she should have and followed a drop of water as it tricked down his chest to his abs. She couldn't help but think the scene bore a striking resemblance to their last night together. "Mercedes, what are you doing here?" She didn't know how he was feeling. She saw a bevy of emotions flash in his eyes: embarrassment, nervousness, and happiness.

Her eyes shifted back to his. "I—''

"Mr. Evans!" Rachel came standing beside Mercedes, her Cheshire-like grin showing how unashamed she was to be ogling him. Sam felt her eyes on him immediately and clutched the towel closer.

Before Rachel said anything (and Mercedes did anything akin to slapping the taste out of her mouth for staring at Sam) she spoke up. "Sorry to bother you. We were driving when Rachel's car stopped working. I was wondering if we could use your phone to call for help."

He nodded and stepped aside letting the girls enter. Once he closed the door he excused himself to his bedroom to put on some clothes.

"Did you see how sexy he is?" Rachel squealed while touching Sam's pictures. His place was practically empty. Sure he had a sofa and a recliner, but other than the big screen TV and an out-of-place surfboard, he looked like he just moved in. The walls were beige and bare. His kitchen was large and immaculate. It looked like he never set foot in the place. Which was an accurate assessment. His only personal items were some pictures scattered along his fireplace.

"I saw how uncomfortable you made him." Mercedes looked around quickly before her eyes settled on a small picture on his side table. There she was with his little sister. Dressed in a crown and pearls, per Stacie's request, and drinking tea. She smiled wistfully at the memory. She missed his family, missed him. They were all a part of what made her summer unforgettable. Letting her finger trace the frame for a second, she quietly stuffed it in her purse. If Rachel found that picture, life as she knew it would be over.

"Stop being such a prude Mercedes, besides I'm pretty sure I saw you looking when I first got here."

"I wasn't looking I was shocked."

Rachel gave the girl a well-deserved side-eye and kept looking investigating Sam's things.

Luckily (or unluckily) Sam walked out, phone in hand, and gave it to Rachel. He then led Mercedes away from Rachel, leaned closer and whispered in her ear while Rachel had her back to them.

"What are you doing here?"

"I told you. Her car broke down. She locked her keys in the car and my phone died." She hated the suspicious looks he was giving her. Hated that she felt the need to defend herself. "We didn't plan this, if that's what you're thinking."

Sam sighed. He would be lying if he said he didn't think that. And Rachel was always giving him creepy looks. What was he supposed to think? "I don't know what to think. First you ignore me in class then you act like I don't exist afterschool. Now you show up at my apartment. What would you think?"

She crossed her arms then and walked away from him. Still she spoke softly. "I _think_ you should know me well enough to give me the benefit of the doubt."

He walked closer, his tone matching hers. "Mercedes."

Rachel whipped around after hanging up the phone. For a second she stared between the two taking in their weird body language. Then she shook it off. She really needed to stop reading into things. "That was triple A. They're sending someone out. Should be another 30 minutes." Mercedes could tell her friend was excited to be spending more time with Sam. Mercedes on the other hand couldn't get out of there fast enough.

Sam looked at his watch and chewed his bottom lip. "Well, take a seat." He gestured towards the couch. "Would you like anything to drink? I have water and grape juice." He passed the teens their drink requests and went back to his bedroom to get ready.

Rachel wasted no time continuing to look around. "Well he's a surfer, plays video games and loves to read."

"He's also a teacher and we're invading his privacy."

Rachel ignored her friend and continued to snoop. "I don't think he cooks a lot." She kept opening and closing cabinets in the kitchen. "I think we're interrupting something Mercedes." Rachel pulled a take-out container from the sink cabinet. She then pointed to the table which had a full course meal and wine glasses next to a bottle on ice. If that wasn't enough, candles were lit. The whole thing would have been romantic if it wasn't so heartbreaking.

Mercedes felt her stomach drop as she looked at the scene. "He has a date."

They turned when they heard a knock on the door and rushed to the sofa. Rachel, being the busybody that she was, took it upon herself to answer the door before Sam could run out and get it.

There stood a slim, medium height blond wearing a confused grin. "Is Sam here?"

Sam rushed over to the door kissing the blonde and eyeing Mercedes cautiously. He didn't know this would happen. He could see she was hurt, but couldn't properly explain himself with Rachel here. He hoped she would give him the chance later. Mercedes knew his eyes were on her but she couldn't look at him. She felt like she was suffocating and forced herself to bite the inside of her cheek. She would not cry. Not here. The air in his apartment was thick and stale. She had to get out of here.

She knew her and Sam weren't together, knew they couldn't be. But a part of her (a delusional part) didn't think he wanted to be with anyone else. She thought he still had feelings for her. Thought they would wait until after graduation to be together. Looking at how the brown-eyed blond gazed at him, she knew how wrong she was.

Those flight or fight reflexes kicked in and before she knew what she was doing she grabbed her coat and ushered a still shocked Rachel out of his apartment, ignoring his protestations. Her heart was ripping in a million pieces and she couldn't stand being in his presence a moment longer. She'd take her chances with the desolation outside his apartment.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Awww! Big, big hugs and kisses to whoever read/reviewed/alerted/favored this story. Y'all are making it exciting to write my first Samcedes story. Thanks so much!**_

_**Sorry for any errors you see...**_

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Mercedes stretched a little before closing her door and heading down the street. She told Puck she wasn't feeling well enough to jog, but in reality she just wanted time alone to think. She let the cold air fill her lungs as she jogged lightly around the block. Pretty soon the places and people she had known all her life, had seen every day would be gone. Pretty soon all of her worries would be distant memories. She was still so young, so naïve. How could she be sure she knew how she felt about anything?

Not long after hitting the pavement did her thoughts drift to Sam, as they so often did. Maybe she was mistaking something else for love. Maybe she thought she loved him because of the ardor she thought reflected in his eyes when he looked at her, or the care he took when he held her. Love shouldn't be this complicated, this painful. This, this was a delusional girl holding onto someone she should have let go a long time ago, that she should have never grown accustomed to holding. Hers was the face of a fool, creating emotions that never really were. Maybe it wasn't love, maybe it was comfort. Maybe that was all she could ever get.

She'd realized she spent more time pining over Sam than she had being with him. It hardly seemed rational to think he would wait for her, especially when their ending had an unmistakable air of finality. Without realizing she began picking up the pace, her walk turning into a run as images of Sam filled her head.

So what if she were shattered when she eyed that blonde? Who cared if she felt inadequate, inexperienced in every way by comparison? So what if she cried herself to sleep in that all too empty house? She was a teen. She was allowed to be dramatic.

She gathered more speed as her run turned into a sprint. And what's worse, she had no one to blame but herself. This is what happened when you ignore the quiet voice inside. This is what occurs when you make assumptions. Now more determined than ever, she vowed to shift her focus to deciding on a college; on interviews and packing, on courses and roommates—these were things in her immediate future, things she could control. High school would just be a soon-forgotten blip.

She needed to get over him, and more importantly get over herself, needed to ignore the notion that love was all about pain and suffering. That it was bad to seek peace and normalcy. The more she thought about it the more comfort seemed to be gaining appeal.

She told herself this lie to protect what was remaining of her heart. She had been losing pieces of it since her childhood and held on to the remaining bits like a rabid dog. What would happen if she gave him what was left and he crushed that too?

She was back at her door in no time, not even registering that she ran for 20 minutes. Her shirt was drenched in sweat and the burn she felt on her cheeks, across her thighs and in her lungs was spreading throughout her body. Grabbing her toiletries to take a shower she smiled. For the first time in a long time, she was in control.

Once she was at school she took a deep breath, already knowing it was going to be a long day. Her words came to pass sooner than she realized as she bumped into the one person she didn't want to be bothered with on her way to her locker. He held his hands out hesitantly on her shoulders to steady her.

"Mercedes are you okay?"

She tensed at his touch. She knew she would see him twice a day—that was a given. She could prepare herself for those meetings, psych herself up. But to run into him un-expectantly, especially when her feelings were so helter-skelter? That was just cruel. Moving away from him she gripped her messenger bag tighter. "I'm fine _Mr_. Evans. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go." With all the strength that was in her, she brushed past him and continued on her way to her locker. He wasn't allowed to break her. Not again.

Sam sucked his cheeks in as he tried not to let his eyes rake over her frame. If he wondered whether she was angry with him after yesterday her icy reception just gave him his answer. He needed to explain himself but there never seemed to be a right time. And hearing her call him Mr. Evans sent daggers to his heart. How was he going to make her listen?

It only got worse when he entered the classroom. There she was looking like sunshine and whispering with that sneaky Puckerman boy. His stomach dropped slightly when she hugged Noah tightly and he held her like he just won the World Series. Noah made him uncomfortable. He stared at Mercedes a little too intently for Sam's liking. He could tell his girl (she would always be his girl, even if she couldn't actually be his girl) never noticed but he honestly didn't know what he was going to do if Noah Puckerman made a move. Sam blew out a breath and carded a frustrated hand through his hair. Damn, his life was a teenage melodrama. He opted instead to throw his energy into helping his students prepare for their big test.

Once the bell rung he had this strange sense of déjà vu wash over him. He watched her scramble to collect her things and rush out of his class, her mohawked friend dutifully in tow.

"Ms. Jones, if I may have a word?" Sam couldn't have her staring at him like he was the devil incarnate. He couldn't let her let her go without explaining himself.

She grimaced and rolled her eyes, hoping Puck didn't see her expression. Placing a hand on his shoulder she spoke softly. "Puck I'll meet you in there. I have to go speak to Mr. Evans for a few minutes."

Puck nodded, but eyed the jittery looking teacher warily. "Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure."

He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Okay, but hurry up. We've only got 30 minutes before the bus comes."

She watched him walk away truing to compose herself. When she heard him click the lock and move her towards the middle of the room she steeled herself for what he was going to say.

Leaning on his desk she cocked her head to the side and waited for him to begin. After two minutes of him staring blankly at her she scoffed, moved past him and made her way to the door.

He watched her turn to leave and all the color drained from his face. This wasn't supposed to be hard. He was supposed to explain himself and walk away. With her hand on the doorknob he blurted out. "It wasn't a date."

Mercedes turned around and looked at him. "It doesn't matter Sam, we're not together. You don't have to explain yourself to me."

"Except that I do." He walked over to her and gently tugged at her wrist, silently pleading that she look at him. He sighed once she did. She looked so hurt and he knew he was partly to blame. "The girl you saw is Frannie Fabray. She's a family friend—an older, bossy family friend. She was passing through town to reconnect with her sister before her wedding. She always teasing me for being lazy, so I thought I'd make a fancy dinner for her. She really just needed advice. I sat there the whole meal bored out of my mind. I spent the whole time thinking about you."

Mercedes nodded taking this information in. She thought back to this morning and all she could say was, "you don't have to tell me this."

"Yes. I do. I freaked when I saw you and the Rachel Berry girl at my door. She had been acting weird around me, and I didn't know what to say. You want to know something funny? When I saw you standing there I thought you came to see me. I was so happy in that moment." His hand trailed up her arm to her face. "I miss you."

She sighed. "I miss you too. So much."

Impulsively an idea struck him. One that could mean disaster if he was caught. "Can you meet me somewhere afterschool?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"I'll be at Davis Park in Lafayette Hills at 4:30. I hope to see you there."

She mumbled her goodbyes as she unlocked the door and left the classroom.

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Sam paced a little and he wrung his hands as he waited for Mercedes to arrive. He stomach had been twisting in knots since he saw her leave his classroom. He didn't even know the purpose of this meeting. She knew everything at it should be over right? Except he knew he couldn't keep living like this. She'd hadn't shown up to the grade improvement program (leaving him with a very mocking Tina Cohen Chang and her snide ass comments) and since he first got to town. He had to see if this was worth salvaging, worth treading shark infested waters, although he already knew it was.

He stood once he saw her walking away towards him and for the first time in a long time, his heart felt lighter. "I didn't think you would show. You seem to have a knack for running away from me. I missed you afterschool."

Even as she told herself to go into this meeting with an open mind, she felt herself becoming defensive. "I had something to do."

"Are you sure you weren't just avoiding me?" He folded his arms and raised one eyebrow. Mercedes wanted nothing more than to wipe that smug look off his face.

She couldn't let him think she was another one of his fans. Her world didn't revolve around him. Reaching into her purse and pulled out her trip authorization form and hurled it into his chest. "I had a college tour at Ohio State with Puck. It's one of the schools I'm considering. Not everything is about you."

He read it over and felt every bit of the jackass her eyes were telling him he was. Looking up at her he moved to apologize. "Mercedes—"

She lifted her hand. She had enough. It was an endless cycle with them. They would do or say something hurtful and apologize immediately afterwards, only to hurt each other again. It was exhausting. She wanted off this ride for both their sanities. "Don't. Just don't apologize. There's nothing to apologize for. We happened, we're over. It sucks, it's sad, but it's time to move on." She looked away from him refusing to let him see her cry. Not again.

Touching her face he lifted her chin to meet his eyes. "No. It's not time to move on. Don't you get it? You think it's easy to see you every day, smell you and not be able to touch you? It's fucking torture. It hurts. I told you I love you. Did you think that went away because we couldn't be together? I know it's wrong, I know it's damn near impossible, but I can't treat you like another student because that's not what you are. You're everything to me and no matter how much you try to deny it or how hard you try to push me away I know that you still care about me too."

She smiled, feeling powerful when she felt him shudder as she traced his lips with her thumb.

Her mental tug of war was over once she looked at him. Even as her mind screamed to move away, to push him away she found her body being pulled closer to him. Her last thought before he crashed his mouth on hers was _Fuck Comfort_.

Fuck comfort, and fuck easy. She wanted difficult, she needed complicated. It's how she knew this was real. So she'd welcome knock-down drag out verbal spars and achingly pleasurable make-ups. She craved his lips on hers, his hands moving her hair away. She was giddy over his kisses and nips and _Oh_. Craning her neck she moved to give him better access. She sighed and closed her eyes as he sucked one of her favorite spots, marking her as his after months of being apart.

It occurred to her that they were in broad daylight but logic and sensibility could go the way of comfort. And when his tongue eased its way into her mouth she responded expeditiously. She moaned into his mouth and wrapped her arms tighter around him, bringing him closer. He lowered her onto a picnic table, thankful that his assumption that no person in their right mind would frequent a park in the middle of an Ohio winter was correct. Theoretically he should be cold, but with her close and his hands remapping her body, he was on fire. Breaking apart before their display became (more) indecent, they breathed heavily and he lay next to her on the wooden table, cuddling her close to him.

She leaned into him as he laced their fingers together when he walked her to her car. They had a new understanding. They never defined their relationship, but Mercedes had felt more at peace than she had in a long time. The spark was still there, still undeniable and still worth pursuing. He felt it too. She knew whatever tomorrow brought, she was his just as he was hers.


	12. Chapter 12

_**I am so incredibly grateful to anyone who has read this story, especially those that review. I love hearing your thoughts on Samcedes and this hot ass mess they find themselves in. Y'all definitely keep me motivated to write. Here's the next chapter, hope it doesn't disappoint. Since I wrote this, I'm pretty sure there are errors. Please forgive any you may find.**_

* * *

It's a truth universally accepted that as soon as things are going well, something is waiting just around the corner to make it all go to shit. In a way it seemed, fair, justified even. There's no smooth sailing when one willingly does something wrong. Mercedes was about to learn an important physics lesson about symmetry: Every action has an equal but opposite reaction.

Mercedes woke up in Sam's arms and ran her eyes over his sleeping form. Pressing her hand gently to his cheek she looked at him adoringly as she watched his mouth slightly purse. She wished for more days like this. Days where he wasn't her teacher and she wasn't his student. Where there was no guilt or censure. Where he was Sam and she was Mercedes and that was more than enough.

She was happy they were able to pull this off. An uninterrupted weekend seemed like a chore but somehow everything aligned and went their way. Her father still hadn't come home so shooting him a text about going over a friend's house for the weekend was easy enough. Sometimes she was grateful for her neglectful father. Over the past two weeks, she could count on one finger the number of times she'd seen him. And his daily blasé texts only seemed to rub salt in the wound.

But actually being in Sam's apartment was where it got tricky. Luckily he lived neither in the town he taught nor in Lima. He instead lived in an adjacent town 50 miles north of Lima. She caught a bus to meet him at a small diner a few minutes away from his place and he drove her to his place from there. It was all so unnecessarily complicated but completely worth it.

They planned to spend the weekend there, in pseudo domestic bliss. Honestly they were just excited for some uninterrupted time together.

"Sam?" she moved closer to him and poked his arm, laughing as he moaned into his pillow. Spending the night with him had been everything she didn't know she needed. She'd forgotten how secure she felt in his arms, despite his hardening addition that made itself known in the morning. They spent the night just talking about any and everything—it was perfect. She told him of her college acceptances, her fears of choosing the wrong path. She even told him about her father and her doubts of leaving him behind. He told her of his nervousness around being a teacher, him mulling over grad school and his teaching possibilities for next year. They made plans for Valentine's Day (which rapidly approached) and mapped out their secret meetings. When all was said and done it was 4AM. Both fell asleep comfortably nestled in each other's arms.

"Come on Sam wake up." Still no response. Hovering above him she pulled the covers off of him, frustrated that he responded by curling into the fetal position and placing his arm under the pillow.

Frustrated, she blew the bangs from her eyes and stood on the top of his bed, one leg on either side of his body. Then she jumped repeatedly, laughing wildly when she heard him groan.

Her relentless assault on the bed ripped him from slumber. He was up with a jolt. Sam grabbed her legs, bringing her closer then used his arm to anchor her beside him. He punished her the best way he knew how—by taking his long hands and moving them across her ribs, her most ticklish spot.

Giggling, she shrieked with excitement as he never let up his assault. She squirmed. Head tossed back and tears of joy running down her face, she let out a full bodied laugh. Her guffaw was making his chest constrict as he began laughing along with her. She was so beautiful inside and out that it actually made him ache.

Her smile stretched across her face and she touched its unfamiliarity on her cheek wondering why the feeling made her heart clench. When she finally realized what it was she leaned forward and kissed Sam as she struggled to catch her breath. For the first time in a long time she felt playful, light, free, and _young_.

Remember childhood? That magical time where the world was your oyster and the possibilities were endless? Mercedes never really had that. After her mother's death she was well aware of her limitations. She knew what she could and couldn't be. Knew her responsibilities and what would happen if she shirked them. She never mourned her childhood, or even missed it for a second. It was nice to be needed, even nicer to know that she was helping her father keep it together. She'd never realized she missed out on something until she felt the tightness on the apple of her cheeks. How refreshing it was to be able to get something back you never realized you'd lost!

Being with Sam changed everything somehow. It seemed as if the lid was finally off the jar and she could fly away to the person she was meant to be. Loving him, having him close made her feel invincible. He awakened a longing long stifled. Made her see the world differently. It was deeper than physical attraction (but that didn't hurt things) more profound than simple gratitude. It was an insatiable yearning, a spiritual connection that she couldn't shake. For denying him would be the same as denying an essential part of herself.

So she'd take the stolen glances and secret touches. She'd welcome quiet rendezvous and treasure private displays of affection. Because isn't it better to dull an ache, just for a little, than to ignore it completely?

That knowledge emboldened her. Caused her to follow her heart and jump into a relationship with Sam. This, whatever it was that they were doing, felt right and she knew she would be doing them a disservice if she did not pursue it. So when she found herself shamelessly flirting with him she'd blame that.

Moving away from him she stood and held out her hand for him to grab, wiggling her fingers beside him. They only had the weekend, she didn't want to waste precious time sleeping the day away. "Come on. I'll teach you how to make blueberry pancakes."

He took her hand eagerly and grabbed his stomach, never realizing how hungry he was until she mentioned breakfast.

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her temple. She turned and looked at him. His kisses were always welcomed distractions. When she stepped over the threshold into the kitchen it wasn't lost on her how different things were since the last time she saw this place. He had dishes and cutlery now—dishes that matched. And appliances too. There was food in the fridge and cookware to prepare the food. Before she felt like an outsider, an intruder. Now she felt welcomed, nay, integral here. When he told her he went to the store to 'pick up a few things' she didn't expect this.

She grabbed the blueberries she soaked in a water and vinegar solution the previous night along with all the ingredients they would need to make one of her oldest and most cherished dishes. She watched him mix the ingredients together, his tongue sticking out in concentration and his bicep flexing as if he were doing hard labor. The result left pancake batter oozing from the bowl and onto the counter.

He mimicked her actions after he watched her put oil into a skillet and pour a ladleful of batter into it. He watched her flip the pancake over after it bubbled and plate it. His technique however, left little to be desired. He poured too much batter which caused the three perfect silver dollar pancakes he intended to make merge into one blob. He waited too long to flip the pancake and it resulted in some pieces coming out burnt. Still, he was proud of it and ate it—even as he scraped off the burnt pieces. She made a small salad with the other fruit he picked up from the market, poured some coffee and water and they ate.

"How do you like it?"

He leaned forward and kissed her hand. "It's…okay." She laughed as he scrunched his face up. His lie apparent. "How about we make a deal? Whenever you teach me one of your recipes, I'll do all the cleaning?" To everyone one else the proposal seemed innocent enough, but she knew Sam. She knew laced under his words was the building of a future. That his statement tested the waters of reveling the current nature of their relationship. She smiled lightly and grimaced but covered it up by taking a sip of her coffee. How could she promise a forever that was so unclear? Hell, how could she promise a now that was still so undefined?

Instead of answering, she deflected by gathering their dishes and heading to the sink. He picked up on the tension any way. His smile dropped. He knew what they were currently doing was unfair, but did she still want to spend her life with him? Had their circumstances changed that?

As soon as the last dish hit the soapy water he pulled her up on the counter, and chuckled deeply as she squealed. "This is so unsanitary." She protested even as she wrapped her legs around his middle and her arms around his neck.

He let his hands drift up her thighs until they settled on her hips, loving how smooth her bare legs felt. He stepped back and regarded her silently. Her dark brown hair was a mess of matted curls strewn on top of her head in a lazy ponytail. Her face glowed and basked in its own perfection. She was something to be revered in his favorite weathered t-shirt and her barely existent boy shorts were making his mind wander to dirty places his actions couldn't follow. They weren't ready for that yet. Still he couldn't get over how _comfortable_ this all felt. Rubbing circles into the skin at her hips, he answered. "I'll clean later."

"Sam?" She sighed as he nibbled along her jaw line. He was _really_ good at distracting her.

"Yeah," he mumbled into her skin still licking and nipping.

"What are we doing?"

He blew out a deep breath and dropped his hands from her hips. He should have known this would be brought up sooner rather than later. It was the elephant in the room. They were content in their bubble of fantasy for too long. Got too comfortable in it. Now they would have to be rational. And rational too often lent itself to heartache.

"We're being together. Do we have to define it? Can't we just stay here a little while longer before life beats us down?" He dropped his head in between her shoulder and neck and smelled her sweet skin. He didn't want to give this away.

She played in his soft locks, mulling over his statement. "We can't keep going on like this. We're ducking behind trees and slipping into alleyways counting time between stolen moments. Don't you want _more_?"

He closed his eyes at the truth of that statement. Shitty circumstances aside, he still envisioned her as his wife and the mother of his children. It couldn't be helped. He'd long since stopped trying to deny it and surrendered to it. He was thankful he did. Those dreams were fuel for the lonely nights he spent without her. "Of course I do, but we have to be practical. Suppose someone heard us or saw us together. What then?"

She moved back from him, not liking where this conversation was heading. "Are you suggesting we wait until we don't have to sneak around? Pretend we mean nothing to each other until I graduate? What happens if I go away to school Sam, what then?"

Sam bit his lip. That was is real fear. That she would move on without him. That she would go off to college and he would stay here and all that would become of their relationship could be whittled down to an amusing anecdote Mercedes would tell her children someday. He was trying to give her an easy out, but the stubborn girl was only digging her heels in deeper.

Mercedes continued. "I remember how shocked you were when you found out my age. You said you thought I was older than you. And there's a good reason for that—I am. I had to grow up quickly. I feel like I'm 50 most days. I just give pieces of myself to everyone, I sacrifice myself for others all the time. But I never had to do what with you. You were the first thing that was well and truly mine. You're the first instinct I followed for myself. I'm not letting that go anytime soon."

Sam considered himself a good man of good moral fiber. Dubbed an 'Honest Abe' among his friends, Sam was all about doing the right thing. Which was why he hated sneaking around. He wasn't ashamed of Mercedes. She wasn't some cheap secret he needed to hide. She was his girl. His love. Hiding behind trees and sinking behind closed doors at every noise cheapened their relationship.

But it was all they could offer each other for the time being. What could be done in their circumstance? Should they be apart? They already tried that and failed miserably, both leaving each other with torn and tattered hearts that were just beginning to mend. What about feigning indifference, keeping things professional until gradation? They weren't good at that either, since subtlety was neither of their strong suits. Even when they weren't together they found it difficult to keep their eyes off each other.

He picked her up then loving the feel of her legs wrapped around him, loving the weight of her body as he held her. She held his gaze and shuddered. She'd never have someone look at her so profoundly. As if her eyes held the secrets of the universe. Her first reaction was to look away. It was too much without being said. She had never seen a look of sheer adoration directed towards her before. It made her feel different, punctuated their interactions. He _cherished_ her. It was all there, right in his eyes and it made her hold him closer. Made her look back at him in awe. He didn't let go until he reached his bedroom and he gently placed her on the bed. As he set her down, he whispered his worries into her ear. "I'm all in Pickles, just as I've always been. I want you to be mine. What about you?" She had told him, in a roundabout way that she still wanted this relationship and in the past it would have been enough, but now, with such high stakes he needed her to voice it. He would need those words when they had to be apart, when he had to pretend she was just another student in his fourth period class.

So his heart raced when she answered. "I'm all in Sam. I'm yours, just like you are mine. God help us."

That was all the confirmation he needed. He bent down and seared their declarations with a kiss. He hoped he was able to pour all of his emotions into it, and her eager responses were making his heart race. They parted, both winded, and both lighter with the knowledge that despite the obstacles they would fight to be together now.

"Come on, get dressed I have something to show you." He grabbed a black duffel bag and led her out the door, the excitement on his face made him look like a child.

* * *

They drove for a few minutes one of his hands firmly on the wheel while the other was laced in hers. It was a comfortable silence, one they both knew wouldn't be possible come Monday. Dropping his hand he stood beside her, guiding her forward slowly while he covered her eyes. Then he stopped in front of a clearing with overgrown shrubs and trees heavy with snow. She gasped slightly when he lifted his hands from her eyes and she took it all in. Her mouth gaped as he led her deeper into the isolated-looking place. This was downright picturesque.

Sam stood next to her and dropped the bag on the snow-covered ground. "I found this place not too long ago after getting lost on my way to work." His cheeks tinged with embarrassment which Mercedes found adorable. Peeking through the area he turned his attention to her. "Then I found out this is supposed to be a lake, but it's completely frozen. It seemed pretty isolated so I figured this would be a great place for us. So what do you say Pickles? Fancy some ice skating?"

She looked between the duffel bag, the lake and his hopeful gaze and sighed. She could never say no to him. Lacing up the skates she wondered how they fit perfectly and asked him. He kept his gaze on her skates and focused on ensuring they were secure as he answered. "Well, when we met in my car last week and you had to leave, I accidently tried to put your shoes on. After I kept trying to jam my toes in, I realized it wasn't my size. Then I saw it wasn't my shoe."

He could tell she was trying not to laugh at him. He could see her shoulders shaking. "Go ahead and laugh Pickles. I'll have you know it's not easy getting dressed in the dark."

She kept her face as stony as she could. "So you didn't bother to realize you don't wear platform heels. Wait, you don't wear platform heels, do you?"

He glared at her and she couldn't stop the laughter even if she tried. "Not funny. Come on let's see what you can do."

He helped her up and led her to the edge of the pond. Mercedes knew she looked ridiculous. She hadn't skated in years. She probably resembled a calf first learning how to walk with all the flailing she was doing. Still he was incredibly patient with her, even though she was holding his wrists for dear life as he pushed them towards the middle of the ice pond. She looked up and marveled at the light snow that fell when a particularly strong wind blew some residual snow off the trees. She felt they were encased in a scene from a snow globe. This was their sanctuary and she loved every moment of being here with him. For the first time in a long time she wasn't worried about someone seeing them or looking over her shoulder at non-esistent shadows. It was nice. Nice? It was unbelieveable. She should have known something would come along and tear their happy moment apart. Wincing when she heard her phone ring she went to grab it, thankful that Sam steadied her.

"Dad?" She looked up at Sam who stood still. She knew this weekend was over.

When he told her he had a surprise for her and he would pick her up from Rachel's she knew she would have to tell him a lie. Or a half-truth, which she wasn't really sure was better. "I'm not at Rachel's. Why can't you tell me over the phone?"

She bit her lip when he told her he had to tell her face to face. Sighing she gave up. "I can be home in a few hours." She rubbed Sam's arm consolingly. Once he said his goodbyes and she hung up she looked up at Sam. "I'm sorry. I have to head back home." He bent down and kissed her sweet lips. "It's okay sweetheart. We'll have other weekends." She smiled up at him and ran her thumbs across his jawline feeling his stubble. "Yeah." She hoped he didn't hear the doubt in her voice.

* * *

He drove her to the Lima bus station parking lot where her car was. After hugging their goodbyes and getting in one last kiss he headed back home.

While Sam spent the rest of his Saturday doing chores and speaking with his family, he spent his Sunday shuffling through mountains of student papers. In a way Mercedes abrupt return home was a blessing in disguise—he was so behind in his work and now had time to catch up. He put a pot of coffee on and began with the homework he assigned last week. Once that was done he moved over to the midterm. He felt horrible—it was half of his student's grade and he still hadn't graded them yet, although they took the test nearly two weeks ago. Fishing around his bag he went to grab the answer sheet. Strange. It wasn't there. He went out to the living room where he remembered the last time he'd had it. He was more concerned now that he couldn't seem to place it. Although he could always recreate it, he had a bad feeling of its whereabouts. What if he misplaced it, or what's worse what if someone took it? Polk High had a bad reputation for cheating and was just repairing its image from a cheating scandal that occurred a few years prior. It made national news. Teachers were fired and students expelled. There was talk of incarcerating the principal. He began to search frantically, hoping his reputation wasn't tarnished before it could start. It had been a while since he'd seen it. He took great care with it too. It was same answer sheet he hadn't seen in two weeks- since his dinner with Frannie. The same night of Mercedes' and Rachel's impromptu visit. _Shit_.


	13. Chapter 13

Mercedes sat in her car wiping the last remnants of tears from her eyes. Ever since she came home they seemed to be a permanent fixture on her face. Her weekend sucked. It started off perfectly, nestled in Sam's arms and ended up horribly. It started as soon as she got home. Her euphoria from her time with Sam was ever present, even as she eyed the blonde intruder who swung the door open and welcomed her home.

Wrapping the short girl in an unwanted hug the tall woman smiled excitedly and clung to her father. Is this what she cut her weekend with Sam short for? And just like that all her happiness was gone. She prattled on about how she met Mercedes' father, of how it was love at first sight. Her name was Holly, but Mercedes barely heard her say it, or any of the other words she spoke. Her eyes were transfixed in the shiny bauble perched on this intruder's ring finger.

She felt so disrespected. This woman was a stranger and her father got engaged without his daughter meeting her. It was as if her opinion didn't matter. As if _she_ didn't matter.

She apparently cooked dinner-in Mercedes' kitchen. And her father had done nothing to stop it. He just kept holding Holly's hand and grinning like a fool. Who was this man and where was her father? Why was it okay after all of this time to forget his wife? She hadn't forgotten. She was still grieving.

Still Mercedes answered Holly's questions as politely as she could (with one word answers), all the while stabbing her dinner with her fork. It actually tasted good. Bitch. She was ready to sulk in her room when her father called her back. He told her he had a surprise for her. He pulled a big packet from the desk and handed it to her. She took a deep breath, following the letters on the envelope. It was from Columbia University—her last holdout. She had been planning on going there since she was a child. She knew she belonged there. It's also where her mother went. Looking up at her father she saw he knew the significance of it. Well, at least there's some semblance of her dad left in this pod person sitting across from her. But she didn't want to open it there. Whatever it was-whether it was a bunch of conciliatory pamphlets or course schedules and dorm assignments, needed to be opened someplace private. Comfortable. This home hadn't been comfortable for weeks. Smiling she grabbed her envelope and headed up to her room.

She spent all of Sunday away from the house. First she went to church—both services. She needed guidance in a big way. Needed to get away from that house and those people who were so eager to disrespect her mother's memory. After church she headed to the one person who would understand—her mother. She spent hours sitting in front of her grave just talking. She told her about Sam and about her future. She told her about Holly and why it bothered her so much that her father was moving on. Lastly she opened the packet from Columbia and hugged the tombstone when she read she got in. After staying for hours she went home to an empty house and went to bed.

She needed to see Sam, even if they couldn't talk she needed to be near him. Later she could tell him everything, later he would wrap his arms around her and celebrate her good news. But for now she would settle for a secret smile and a sly nose crinkle. And when she saw him walking the near-empty hallway her heart sped up. He was sexy and he had no clue. She loved that about him. But she didn't love the look on his face when they locked gazes. She frowned when she saw him head into the principal's office. He looked so solemn, and her mind went to the worst place. What if someone found out? What if they reported him to the principal? She gasped. It was one of the first times she thought about the consequences of getting caught. They'd been so reckless the past few weeks. That couldn't go on. She had to meet Sam. She had to tell him she thought they should wait until she graduated, until their situation wouldn't get him fired. She loved him and she wouldn't risk his career. She was determined to control herself until then. She tried to walk by casually before being grabbed from behind and pulled into the janitor's closet.

* * *

Sam twiddled anxious fingers and adjusted his tie before sitting down. He had to report this. As soon as he graded all of the papers on Saturday he called the principal and told him he suspected students cheated on their test. Although he didn't name names, the image of Mercedes stealing the answers was burned in his head. They set up a meeting early Monday morning and he turned his phone off for the rest of the weekend.

So as he sat in Dr. Mortimer's leather chairs and watched the burly man pace near his desk, he picked up on the tension immediately. After a few minutes Dr. Mortimer spoke.

"I want to thank you for bringing this to my attention promptly. I've been in contact with the Inspector General's Office and they are looking into it. I hope we can get a handle on this quickly.

Sam sighed and rubbed his neck. "That's my plan Dr. Mortimer. I am going to create a new test and give it to all of my students. I think that'll reveal who the cheater was."

The principal crossed his hands and perched his head on top. "Good. We have a zero-tolerance policy against cheating. Whoever's responsible will be found and expelled. I can tell you are an innovate educator. Your students speak highly of you. It would be a shame to have something like this ruin your career. Let me be frank, Sam. It's been a long time since a new teacher was hired. The only reason I took a chance on you was because your mentor vouched for you and wrote a sparling recommendation. If we discover you had some part in this I will have to let you go." He sat behind his desk and spun the black globe around. Sam tried to shake the image of him as a comic book villain.

Sam stood and wiped his hands on his pants, already knowing he was being dismissed. "I can assure you that won't happen. Thank you for your time." He walked out of Dr. Mortimer's office more determined than ever to focus on his career. He had been distracted and his distractions left him vulnerable. Allowed him to leave vital information around. He had to talk to Mercedes. Things were going to change. They had to.

* * *

Mercedes squirmed trying to break free of this mystery person's hold. Once they flicked the light on and she saw Puck standing there she punched him in the shoulder. "Puck, what the hell?"

He laughed but quickly swallowed it when he saw she was about to hit him again. "I'm sorry Jones. I just had to show you something."

She wanted to be mad, she should be mad but he was beaming at her and his excitement was infectious. "Okay I'll bite. What's up?"

He's a little out of breath and she can't tell if it's nerves or something else. Slowly he pulls a piece of paper and hands it to her. He watches her read, gauges her actions. When she leaps at him and hugs him, he's in heaven. "I'm so happy for you Puck! Full ride to Ohio State. I knew you could do it. Congratulations."

He picked her up, spun her around and laughed when he heard her squeal. When he felt her wrap her arms tighter around his neck he set her down, his heart racing. She always did something to him. He gathered his courage in the closet looking into her warm brown eyes and beautiful smile. He has to say something. He's waited so long but he can't hide it, not now, not with everything she's done for him. He steps closer to her and speaks softly. "You know, I couldn't have done it without you Jones." He shook his head and smiled, a little amazed at how emotional he was becoming. "I never had anyone believe in me like you have."

She touched his cheek tenderly and it takes everything in him to keep his eyes open. "I didn't do anything. This was all you."

"No. You don't get it." He took her hand and continued even though her forehead crinkled. "I don't know where I'd be without you." He took a deep breath but was determined to continue. "I love you."

"Wha—"

And before she could finish his mouth was on hers. It felt like seconds to him. She had the softest lips he'd ever kissed.

Unfortunately for him, she was already taken. She pushed him away. Moved out of his embrace. "Puck…"

He placed a finger on her lips and kept going. He knew what her answer would be if she just reacted, he knew she needed time to think. Hell he had months, the least he could do was give her a few days. "I've been feeling this way for a while and I had to tell you. You mean everything to me. I love you and that's not going to change. So I'll make a deal with you. In a few days, I'll take you out to dinner to celebrate my acceptance. If you want it to be a date that's cool if not, we'll eat as friends." He leaned over again and kissed her cheek.

Just like that he's gone leaving her to wonder if she imagined the whole thing.

* * *

She was nervous when she got Sam's text to meet her afterschool. She wondered why he was in the principal's office. What was said? And why did he distance himself? She tried to talk to him after class and he dismissed her. He was especially cold during their afterschool program. Still she was excited to meet him. She missed him and knew despite the day she had and the day he may have had, being with each other would make it better. She beamed when she closed her car door and walked over to him. Adjusting her red slouchy knit hat and hugging her black wool coat closer she made her way to his car.

She frowned when she saw him. He looked so miserable. Tapping the glass on the passenger side door she waited for him to unlock it and jumped in. She leaned over to kiss him but panicked when he flinched away from her. "Sam, what's going on? What's wrong?"

He gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white. Shit, he found out. He was so mad he didn't even look at her. "Did you do it?"

She knew she had to tell him everything. Burying her face in her hands she confessed. "I'm so sorry Sam. It was an accident. I had no idea it was going to happen."

He looked at her. She had never seen him look so hurt. "I can't believe this Mercedes! How could you do this to me?"

She shrugged, she had no idea how it happened. She never knew Puck was going to kiss her. "I didn't do it on purpose it sort of just happened. I tried to put a stop to it. I promise it'll never happen again."

She watched him fight between holding her close and kicking her out. He looked so betrayed, but also so conflicted. She hated that she made him feel that way. "I never thought you would cheat. I thought you were better than that."

"Wait, Sam. I didn't cheat. This is all a big misunderstanding. If you would just let me explain…"

"No. I don't know what I can do for you here. Dr. Mortimer's talking about expulsion."

She furrowed her brow in confusion. What was he talking about? "What does Dr. Mortimer have to do with Puck kissing me?"

Sam clenched his fist as a new wave of anger and betrayal hit him. He knew it was a matter of time before Puck made a move on Mercedes. "He kissed you?"

"Yeah. He'd just gotten accepted into his first choice school and kissed me. I had no idea it was going to happen. If I had, I would have stopped it. You know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you right?"

He turned to her then, needing to gauge her sincerity. He knew the Puck situation was one-sided, and it burned him up to think of someone kissing her but he couldn't focus on that now. Not when his job was on the line. He needed to ask her but he didn't think she could have done something like stealing the answers. Then again, he didn't think she would kiss Puck. Maybe he didn't know her as well as he thought he had. And the more he thought about it, the more sense it made that she would be guilty. "Then why the hell did you steal the test answers?"

Now it was her turn to look betrayed. She reared back, feeling as if his question punched her in the gut. "What are you talking about?"

"I haven't seen them since that day you showed up to my place with your friend. When I went to grade the tests it was gone."

"Rachel was there too. Did it cross your mind that she may have taken it?"

"What would Rachel want with answers to a test in class she isn't taking?"

"Are you serious right now," she quipped. What color was the sky in his world? Didn't he know she would never do something like that? And why was it so easy to dismiss Rachel as the culprit when he was bending over backwards to implicate her? "I could think of _millions_ of reasons why she might have taken it."

"Look I know that you are a great student, but you have been struggling in Physics. It looks suspicious that all of a sudden you're pulling A's. I graded everyone's test. You're telling me it's a coincidence your grade improved by 40%?" He placed a patronizing hand on her shoulder which Mercedes wanted to burn. "I know that you're under a lot of pressure to do well and I know sometimes people do things they wouldn't normally do when they're stressed. I don't think any less of you. I just want you to tell me the truth so we can figure out our next steps."

But didn't he already think less of her? He wasn't even listening to her. He was ignoring any other explanations already assuming the worst of her. "You're such an _asshole_. She laughed although it sounded more like a sob. "Gee," She looked over at him, not even bothering to hide the sarcasm or hurt from her tone. "You're absolutely right. It's not like I've been spending extra time afterschool studying. It's crazy to think I've been busting my ass so I can pass this class right? I mean, it would be unimaginable to think that maybe I just got a new teacher that helps me understand the subject? No that's crazy, let's just assume I cheated."

"What do you want from me? If you took it I can try to help, but this isn't going to go away. You, who was failing got one of the highest marks in all my classes. You almost got a perfect score. It looks suspect. I mean all signs point to you."

"But it wasn't me."

He slammed his hands on the steering wheel in frustration. "Shit Mercedes! This isn't a joke. This is my job. This is everything I've worked for. I could get fired. I could have my certification revoked. Do you even care about that at all?"

Her voice elevated. Maybe he didn't hear her the first few times she said she didn't take it. Maybe if she yelled he would get it. Plus, he was pissing her off. "Don't you think I know that!?I. Didn't. Take. The. Answer. Sheet. I don't know many other ways to say it. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. I would never try to risk your career." She shook her head. "I just wish you would extend me the same courtesy."

He looked at her puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"Did you ever think someone else could have taken it? Or maybe you hadn't left it where you thought you did? When you first found out did you automatically assume it was me?"

She caught the guilty look in his eyes and it confirmed her fears.

Taking a deep breath to stop the tears that were pooling at her eyes from falling, she continued. "I am so stupid. All this time I thought we were worth it. That we could face anything. I wish I would have known you didn't trust me earlier. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache. I can't do this. I _won't_ be with someone who doesn't trust me."

He touched her shoulder and put his hand down when she jerked back. He wanted to believe her but all evidence pointed to her. If she turned out to be the culprit, she could singlehandedly ruin his career. His talk with the principal made him realize how close he is to losing his job. He couldn't have that. But it didn't mean he didn't still want to be with her. He was trying to protect her. Why didn't she see that? "What are you talking about? I know things look bad but let's not do anything dramatic…"

She scoffed, pushed away from him and looked him in the eye. In that moment she realized how much she still didn't know about the man sitting next to her. How many things that would make her question her decision to be with him once she found out. "Go to Hell Sam." She slid out of his car and slammed the door behind her.

He watched her walk away helpless because she was right. His earlier conversation with Dr. Mortimer clouded his judgment and he hadn't realized how badly he fucked up until he watched her walk away Still there was so much they didn't know about each other. And he still hadn't addressed why he automatically assumed it was her. But he would be crazy to think she didn't do it after all the evidence there was against her. If he was right about Mercedes stealing the answers, he might have saved his job. But if he was wrong, and he got a growing suspicion that he might be, he just ruined his relationship with the woman he loved.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Still with me? Thanks to everyone who reads/alerts or favors this fic. BIG thanks to those that review. Your words keep me motivated to update with an added bonus of making me guilty for not updating faster. I love you all!**_

* * *

Mercedes sat in the classroom spinning her pencil on her desk and glaring holes in the back of Sam Evans' head. She wasn't even surprised when he told the class they would have to retake the test, but she was disappointed in the way he wouldn't look at her. If he was so sure that she was the culprit, so ready to condemn her without evidence, why was he shying away now? He should own that shit. Stand firm with his decision to cast all blame on her. Be proud of the fact he couldn't trust her. He sure as hell was all about confrontation a few days ago. This shrinking away made no sense to her.

She sighed softly and diverted her attention to Puck who was humming while his forehead creased in concentration. Who was she to talk? She was just as much of a coward as Sam. Even more. She had Puck's answer a while ago, in fact she knew her response the moment his lips descended upon hers. She told herself she was giving her decision the proper mulling over it required. She told herself she was being considerate, but really she was afraid of change. So far change led to heartache and resentment. Changing schools led to a moldy locker and an ex-boyfriend as her teacher. Changing routines led to said ex-boyfriend basically calling her a cheater and a liar and her father essentially abandoning her. So it worked out for her father, but her, not so much. The last person she let in ripped her heart apart, did a piss-poor job of jerry rigging it together, only to break it again. Puck was the only person who pushed his way in and never disappointed. She didn't want anything to change that. Moving her gaze to her test she thought about what she was going to say to Puck, especially since they were having dinner tonight.

Sam walked around the room as his students retook their midterm, making sure to not look Mercedes' way. His hand rubbed the back of his neck. He could feel her burning holes in the back of his head and he couldn't look at her. He couldn't stand to see that look of hurt, betrayal and disappointment on her face that he saw a few days ago. She'd been giving him the cold shoulder for the last few days and he knew he deserved it. He wanted to take the words back even as they were pushing themselves out of his mouth. And the way she smugly sat with her arms crossed and eyebrow raised as she waited for her classmates to finish didn't help matters. He knew he was wrong but he panicked. And his words hung in the air chocking him, burying their relationship. Now he just wanted to put this whole thing behind them.

As the last student filed out of the room plunking their exams down he looked at the huddled mass of papers he couldn't wait to grade. He didn't even pretend to be biased as he sifted through the pages to grade her test first. Once he did his face blanched and he rubbed his hands through his hair tugging at it. He knew that his assumptions made him an incorrigible jackass. But he knew he had to fix this, somehow.

* * *

Taking a deep breath Mercedes turned the doorknob to Mr. Evans' room. A letter from the principal in her hand, she was determined to put some space between them. Once Mr. Evans posted the results of the exam, she hightailed it to the principal's office asking for a note excusing her from the mandatory grade improvement sessions. She did well, exceptionally well. She even got a few points higher on the retest. Since she would pass regardless, Dr. Mortimer emphatically agreed to sign the note, thinking he could use Mercedes as a positive example of his trial afterschool program. Publications and recognition flashed in his mind as he sloppily scrawled his name to the letter. She didn't mind being used, as long as it meant she didn't have to see Sam so much.

She saw Tina there first. Legs propped on another chair and popping gum, she was sneering at Sam for God knows what. She hadn't realized how this note affected Tina. She was only here to help Mercedes stay away from Mr. Evans, but now that Mercedes didn't need this class, how could Tina get out of it? Sliding in the seat beside Tina she whispered, "Hey can I talk to you after this is over?"

Tina nodded, a look of concern shown on her face before it turned to nonchalance. "Whatever LMN, I need to talk to you too."

Mercedes pulled back, surprised to hear the urgency in her voice. "Are you okay?"

She waved her hand. "Yeah I'm fine."

Both girls looked towards the door as they heard it creak open. Sam looked so disheveled. His hair was mussed and his skin was piqued. His papers, much like his thoughts it seemed were scattered and unorganized. When he saw Mercedes and Tina there he stammered, earning a curious look from Tina.

"Let's review Chapter 15 quietly."

The girls refocused on their work until the end of the session, Mercedes gladly counted down the minutes and she told Tina she'd meet her by her locker while she stood to hand Mr. Evans her note.

When he saw her head his way he straightened. He knew this was the perfect opportunity to apologize.

"Mercedes—"

"Save it."

"I know you're mad at me and you have every right to be but I'm truly sorry." He stood to hug her and stuffed his hands in his pocket, clenching them tightly. That blurry line between teacher and boyfriend was becoming even murkier as he struggled between holding her close or maintaining some semblance of professionalism.

"It doesn't matter now Mr. Evans." She saw that flash of hurt in his eyes because she reverted back to formalities and knew she had to get out of there soon before she made matters worse. Grabbing her letter she hurled it into his chest and began to walk away.

Before she could leave he crossed the room in quick strides and held her wrist.

"We have to talk about this."

She shook her head. "I don't think we do. That letter says everything. Now if you'll excuse me I have to get away from you. Goodnight _Mr. Evans_." Squirming out of his hold she opened the door and slammed it shut.

When Mercedes strolled up to Tina's locker, Tina kept looking around and dropping her head, clearly uncomfortable.

"What's up?"

"Look I know this is going to sound weird coming from me but I think you need to be careful around Rachel."

Mercedes' brow furrowed as she lifted her bookbag strap higher on her shoulder. She sighed. She was used to defending her friend (and more recently) her friendship. "I know she seems…"

"Wound up? Obsessive? Bat shit crazy," Tina supplied as she ignored the glare Mercedes sent her.

"I was going to say passionate, but thanks for the descriptors. Really she's harmless."

Tina had been watching Rachel unravel for years. Passionate was an understatement. If she wasn't careful, Mercedes could be blindsided by Rachel's crazy.

"Don't you find it weird that she hasn't heard from NYADA and it's almost March? Didn't she apply early? But that's beside the point. I caught her bragging about having an 'intimate moment' with Mr. Evans and when someone mentioned that they thought he had a girlfriend her eye got all twitchy and she said 'not for long' all dark and shit like she was planning on knocking someone off."

Mercedes bristled. So much of what Tina said would implicate her relationship with Sam. She had to look stoic. "But she would never do that and NYADA probably accepts late." Mercedes averted her gaze and shrugged her shoulders, trying (and failing) to pull off indifference. "Besides, why are you telling me about this?"

"Oh cut the crap LMN, you love him, and news flash…he loves you. You just do a better job of hiding it." She touched her shoulder and spoke softly. "Just…be careful okay?"

"I thought you said you didn't care about anyone?"

It was Tina's turn to be flustered. "I don't…I'm just used to you being around now."

Mercedes smiled. That was as close to an admission of friendship she was going to get from Tina. "You care about me."

"Shut it."

"No I can't. Tina Cohen Chang actually cares about someone."

Tina rolled her eyes and began to walk away. She wouldn't have said anything if Mercedes was going to respond like this.

Seeing her turn around Mercedes hugged Tina. "Thanks for looking out for me."

Tina returned the hug. "Whatever. I just didn't have anything better to do."

"Yeah, okay."

Although she was sure Tina meant well, she didn't put much stock in her warning. She knew Rachel wasn't capable of willingly hurting someone. She would later regret not heeding Tina's words.

* * *

Mercedes dropped her bag by the door and headed to the kitchen to wash her hands. She'd have some idle time now that she no longer needed to attend those grade improvement classes after school. Today she signed up to spend the extra two hours volunteering at the hospital and dropping off the bouquets of lavender roses that made their daily pilgrimage to her door. Sighing she shook her hands clean as she eyed the new flowers, resplendent in their ornate vase and housing the same apology letter she had seen a few times, always unsigned as if the sender could ever be a mystery. Rolling her eyes she balled up the note and tossed it in the trash. This wasn't Virginia Beach. He couldn't get her to reconsider with grand gestures. He ruined a fundamental piece of their relationship. One that she wasn't sure she wanted them to fix.

Beside those mocking roses lay a note that her father wrote. At least a note was more personal than a text, she scoffed as she lifted it and began to read. He explained that he would be going on a business trip for a few days and would be back by the weekend. At least he wasn't neglectful enough to leave her alone without money. His note said he loaded her card and went food shopping before he left. Looking back and forth between the note and the newest dozen roses, she realized that the men she loved the most had an uncanny ability to disappoint her. Sam with his actions and her father with his inaction. Either way she turned from the counter and grabbed a water bottle, ready to head up the stairs when she heard someone knocking at the door.

She quirked one perfectly shape eyebrow when she opened the door. "Mr. Evans?"

Clearing his throat he wiped his hands on his slacks. "Is your father home?" He scanned the room quickly as if Mr. Jones would automatically appear. She looked at him quizzically, a million scenarios running through her mind. "No," she responded cautiously before stepping aside and letting him in.

He sighed, a little disappointed that he couldn't properly introduce himself to her father. "I was hoping to talk to him. To explain what happened and apologize to both of you."

She crossed her arms and stood in the middle of the room, wanting to put distance between them. "Well he's not here and I've heard your apologies so…you can go."

"Give me a break Mercedes! I was trying to protect you! My job was on the line. Don't you see that? I made a mistake, why can't we move on from it?" He moved closer to her so that he was standing in front of her. "Maybe if you weren't so _young_ you would get that!"

She scoffed. Did he really just call her immature? From where she was standing they both had a lot of growing up to do. "How many times are we going to rehash this? You didn't trust me Sam! You thought the worst of me and no amount of purple flowers or apologies is going to fix that. It doesn't matter if I'm 18 or 80—_you_ broke us. I don't think we can ever be fixed."

Turning away from him she muttered "You ever get the feeling we're trying to force something that's not meant to be? I know love isn't easy but it shouldn't always be hard right? It's just obstacle after obstacle. I'm tired Mr. Evans. I'm exhausted."

He could feel her slipping away, leaving him for good. He was getting desperate. What would he have to do to get her to hear him? "I messed up okay! I know I was wrong, I've said sorry—what else do you want?" Getting on his knees he turned her around and stood in front of her groveling. "Mercedes Vivian Jones, I am an ass. I was stupid and I hurt you." He pointed to his knees and continued. "Are you happy now? I'm begging you to give me another chance. Isn't this what you wanted?" Once the words were out of his mouth, he knew he crossed a line.

She scoffed. Walking away from him she headed towards the door and opened it slowly.

"Get the hell out of my house." She gestured towards his car and shook her head, tamping down the anger roiling in her belly. "Get out and take that lame ass apology with you. I _get_ that you're sorry now that you know the truth, when it's easy to believe me, but are you sorry for putting the blame on me to begin with? Or was the accusation punishment because I told you about Puck kissing me?" She watched him card a frustrated hand through his hair knowing she struck a nerve. This only urged her on. "You want to know what's sad? A tiny piece of you _still_ believed I cheated until you got the results from the retest." Crossing her arms she moved closer to him. "In fact, I'd bet anything that you graded my test first just to justify your actions."

"Mercedes—"

She closed her eyes and put her hand up, never seeing the pained expression on his face. "No let me finish, please. I saw it on your face. That look of betrayal never went away until you had proof I didn't do it. How can we have any kind of relationship when you don't trust me? On top of all the other problems we've had, we're dead in the water if we don't trust each other. I think it's best if we cut our losses." Shrugging to take the sting out of her words she continued. "You were a distraction anyway."

He blew out a breath her words both angering and hurting him. He would give anything to go back to this summer and stay suspended in time. Now it was over and he had no one to blame but himself—it wasn't her age or their circumstance, it was him and he hated himself for it. Hated that sorry was his default and it meant nothing because it failed to address the underlying issue. He couldn't bear to see the hurt he caused, hated hearing the pain in her voice. What's worse he knew he put it there. In a low sad voice he responded. They couldn't go on like this. What would be left of them if they kept hurting each other? "Maybe you're right. Maybe we should just forget everything—let the past stay in the past and move on. Stop being so _distracted_. It sure as hell would be easier than this." Grabbing her hand he rubbed her knuckles with his thumb softly and smiled, his mind going back to their first date. "I'm really sorry for assuming the worst. I want you to know that you changed me, you're still my breath of fresh air and if you need anything, please call me." He sighed before letting her hand go. "I'm going to miss you." Leaning forward he pressed a gentle kiss to her temple, lingering longer than a friend should. She closed her eyes knowing this would be the last time she felt his lips as she attempted to savor the feeling.

Watching him wave goodbye sadly she blew out a deep breath and closed the door slowly, knowing she just closed a chapter in her story. Running upstairs she rushed to take a shower. She had another band aid to rip off today.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Okay here's the next chapter. Thanks everyone for sticking with me. This is officially the longest fic I've ever written and I'm still shocked and thankful that people read it. Thank you! Oh and I'm pretty sure there's mistakes. Please forgive them. And now chapter 15...**_

* * *

Mercedes sat in the small Mexican restaurant fidgeting in the chair. After tapping her feet to the song that was playing she fingered her curls lightly and ran her hands up and down her jean clad thighs. She was anxious, nervous even. She took great care with everything—her outfit, her prepared words, her hands. She knew this topic was sensitive and if poorly executed could ruin a friendship. She didn't want that, couldn't have that. Because truth be told, Puck was her best friend.

When she saw him approach she wanted to shrink away but she forced herself to sit up and draw a deep breath. He looked nervous too. His nerves became more evident as he greeted her with a shaky voice and a kiss on the cheek.

She leaned forward and spoke to him softly. She hated seeing him act like this. "Puck, relax. It's just me."

Puck smiled and leaned closer to her, their positions making them seem as lovers sharing secrets. "I know. That's why I can't relax." He gently held her wrist turning her palm face-down on his chest so she could feel his rapid heartbeat. "You just don't know what you do to me." His smile was so earnest; she could feel the guilt building inside her.

He caught her expression and knew what was coming. Looking at her for permission, he grabbed the hand that was resting on his chest and clasped it in his. "I knew it was a long shot. I had to…try."

Squeezing his hand she looked down at their fingers and sighed before looking into his eyes. She wished she could return his feelings. In a way it would make things easier. She and Puck made sense, she knew that in her head. But her heart was still clinging hopelessly to an illogical impossibility. Besides it would be beyond cruel to start a relationship when a large part of you is stuck in the previous one. "Puck, you're amazing. If I was sensible I would jump at the chance to be with you."

He shook his head. He hated this part-the letting someone down easy part. The words seemed false, the gestures hollow. He had to admit, it was strange being on the receiving end of one of these talks. He wondered if those other girls felt like shit when he had this conversation with them. He certainly felt like shit now. He definitely felt like shit when Tina did this to him. But he put on a fake smile trying to pretend everything was okay, not for himself but for her. Which in his mind made him feel worse.

She continued, knowing he deserved nothing less than the complete, unabashed truth. "I'm a mess. This year has been full of ups and downs, but the only redeeming factor, one of the few things I did right was befriending you. Puck, you swooped in out of nowhere and became that friend I never knew I needed." She smiled when he squeezed her hand in response. "Don't tell Rachel, but you're my best friend." He chuckled and nodded at that truth. It's probably why Rachel was always looking down her nose at him. That and she's a stuck-up, insecure snob who tries to make herself feel better by tearing others down.

"One of the best decisions I made was letting you in. I don't want to muddy that by changing our relationship." She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "I love you too Puck. Just not in the way you want me to."

Puck drew a deep breath and leaned back. Yep, this hurt like a bitch. But he was proud of himself for trying. Maybe Tina was wrong. Maybe he could put himself out there. Despite being turned down, he'd call this progress.

Once the waitress put their meals in front of them, Mercedes and Puck began to eat which quickly dispelled the slight awkwardness that fell. He nodded at her from across the table knowing they would be alright.

* * *

That feeling continued when Puck showed up the next morning for their daily ritual. It had been a while since they jogged and Mercedes truly missed it. She'd even showed up at school arm in arm with her mohawked best friend as they discussed their summer plans.

"And you're cleaning pools all summer?"

He wiggled his eyebrows and smirked. "That and getting cougars wet."

She hit his arm. "Eww Puck, that's disgusting."

He slid his arm around her, laughing at the expression on her face. "Maybe you can be my manager? We could split the profits."

"I wish I could." She sighed as they reached her locker. "But I'm due in New York the first week in July. Besides I'd probably just get in the way."

Speaking of getting in the way, Rachel sidled up next to Mercedes gently breaking her away from Puck.

"Mercedes I'm so happy I found you, we have so much to discuss." She beamed and Mercedes suppressed the need to roll her eyes. She looked to Puck for relief but saw him trying to walk away from them. "I'll catch you in class Jones."

Rachel shrugged her shoulders as she gestured for Puck to move along. "I don't know why you continue to hang out with Noah."

Mercedes rubbed her temples, feeling the beginnings of a headache. "Funny, he would say the same thing about you. What's up Rachel?"

"I thought we would get a jump-start at looking at apartments. You know New York living isn't cheap." Pulling a folder from her book bag she continued on, ignoring Mercedes' objections. "So I circled a few places that were reasonably priced and bigger than a closet. Give me your top 3 choices and I'll call the realtor back."

"Whoa, hold on there Rachel. You haven't even auditioned yet. Don't you want to wait until things with NYADA are finalized?"

Rachel sputtered a little and went on the defensive. "Are you saying you don't think I'll get in?"

"No. I'm saying you should be practical." There was no mistaken it, this conversation (or maybe it was Rachel's voice, she really couldn't tell) was giving her a headache.

"What do you know about being practical? You're a robot Mercedes. You're an old maid at 18!" Her voice was so shrill that Mercedes' winced at the harshness it produced.

Mercedes shook her head. It was typical of Rachel to pick a fight when she was wrong. She would usually try to defuse the situation but lately Mercedes had lost the energy to care. "I don't have the time to go into how wrong you are. I'm an old maid because I told you the truth? So me disagreeing with you gives you the right to insult me? Everyone's not going to agree with you. Learn how to embrace differences of opinion. That's how you get better. When are you going to grow up?" She pulled away from Rachel. "I don't even know why I bother. Even if you did get in to NYADA, which you'd better because you stupidly didn't apply to another school, I am not moving anywhere with you. Truth be told, I don't even know why we're still friends."

Rachel deflated as her friend walked away from her. She had been harsh she knew, but she was sick and tired of feeling inadequate around Mercedes. Hearing the late warning bell she stood in the empty hallway and sighed. Biting her lip she pulled out her rejection letter from NYADA. She'd read it so many times by now that she had it memorized. She kept opening it, hoping that the words would change, that she misread it, but it still remained the same. She didn't even get a chance to audition. And the conciliatory 'we wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors' at the end only made matters worse. They were mocking her because she stupidly applied to one school. Mercedes was right and Rachel hated her for it. Well that and other things. Here was Mercedes going to the school of her dreams in the city of Rachel's dreams. How was that fair? Mercedes wasn't a hard worker. She was lazy and unmotivated. And now she would be living Rachel's life. Why did everyone choose Mercedes over her? Folding the letter back up, she stuffed it in her bag and rushed to her first class. Something had to be done to right this wrong.

Mercedes sat down next to Puck and began looking at list of things to do before she left for New York. With some new perspective, she refocused her priorities. She wasn't going to spend time fretting over a doomed relationship. She was going to think about Columbia and her future.

She looked up when an unfamiliar woman stood in front of the class. She announced herself as Miss Pierce and Mercedes shook her head when Puck whispered in her ear, "Now _that's_ what I call an upgrade." The blonde woman explained that she would be with the class for a few days in Mr. Evans' absence. Immediately Mercedes began to worry. Was he sick? Had something happened to him? She sat back it her seat and kept her eyes on her list. She was overreacting. She was sure Sam was probably on vacation or something. Still, that assertion didn't stop the unsettling feeling that took residence in the pit of her stomach. Once class was over, she overheard a group of girls chattering about how class wasn't the same without 'Mr. Lips ' and how they hoped his mother would get better soon so they'd have some eye candy to help get them through their last months in high school. When Mercedes heard that she got out her phone and thumbed through her contact list until she got to his name. Would he even want to talk to her?

* * *

Sam sat on a chair beside his mother's hospital bed rubbing his tired eyes. The past 24 hours had been nightmarish. After getting the call that his mother suffered a heart attack, he took a flight back home. It was all so unexpected, and although his siblings seemed to be doing fine, he could tell his father was slowly falling apart. After making his father go home and go to sleep, he took the afternoon shift waiting for his mom to wake up.

And when she stirred, he couldn't express his relief.

She smiled at him cupping his face in her hand. "Hi sweetie. How are you?"

He leaned into her touch. She was the one who had emergency surgery and she was worried about how he was doing. "I'm fine. How are you? Do you want me to go get the nurse?" He stood over her and hugged her gently while shooting off a text to his father and fluffing her pillows. She waved his hand away and asked him to sit. She hated being made a fuss over. "I'm feeling better. But let's talk about you. How's your job? Am I any closer to getting my grandbabies?"

He sighed. No heart attack was going to shoo Mary Evans off the topic of grandbabies. "Work is fine. I really feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to."

"That's great baby. I knew you'd be a great teacher." She twiddled her thumbs trying to broach the next subject tactfully. "I ran into Russell Fabray a few days ago. Told me Franny had dinner with you. How'd that go?"

He put his head down and shifted uncomfortably. He did not want to retell the conversation they had during that dinner. "It was fine. She's an old friend. _Nothing_ more."

She looked over to see her son squirming but she didn't care. She needed to get her point across. "It was really unfortunate about Mercedes. Luckily you ended things before they got too serious."

He cleared his throat. "Right."

She narrowed her eyes. She could sense he wasn't telling her something. "You were really happy with her."

Sam sighed. "Yeah but that couldn't happen. She was 17." He hated lying. Hated feeling like he was doing something wrong but he couldn't tell his mom she was his student.

"Being with her was the first time I saw you smile since…"

Sam held his hand up and poured her a glass of water when she motioned for it. "Ma…"

But it was Mary Evans' prerogative to analyze her son's relationships and she wasn't going to stop just because he wanted her to. If something happened to her, she needed to know he would be happy. The man in front of her was far from happy. "Santana. There, I said her name and the sky didn't fall. After what she did, I was sure you'd given up on finding love again. Until Mercedes came along."

Sam took the pitcher and set it back down sighing at the mention of his ex girlfriend's name. Santana was the reason Sam had been reluctant to date again. He'd fallen head over heels in love with the spitfire his junior year of high school and against his parent's wishes decided to follow her to college and move in with her. Sure her sharp barbs and crude comments wreaked havoc with his self-worth, but he wouldn't let her go. Even when things got worse and his parent's expressed their concerns, he clung to his relationship and closed them out. It had come as a shock when he came home one night to an empty apartment. Everything was gone—his clothes, money, appliances. She didn't have enough courtesy to leave a note. To add insult to injury, she changed numbers and seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. He found out from a mutual acquaintance of his that she now lived in California with a girlfriend she met online. Sam couldn't trust anyone after that. It took years to mend his severed relationship with his parents and even longer for Sam to want to commit to anything. Which is why he was so perplexed when he met Mercedes. All memories of Santana drifted away when he saw the petite girl and he wasn't kidding when he said she was a breath of fresh air. He thought he'd moved on from what happened between him and Santana, but when things got too serious he pushed Mercedes away the best way he knew how.

She saw the contemplative look on her son's face and took it as her opening. She held her hand out to him for hold and smiled when he took it. Sam smiled at the familiarity of the gesture. She always held his hand when she told him something she knew he didn't want to hear. "I was so worried you gave up. I remember you finding something wrong with every girl since. She'd made you someone I didn't recognize. Made you jaded and bitter. I thought once you fell in love again you wouldn't trust it, would push the girl away somehow. But I'm so glad you laid it all on the line for Mercedes. Just because it couldn't work for her doesn't mean you should put up walls, Sam. Because all you're doing is losing pieces of yourself." She squeezed his hand and greeted the doctor that came to check in on her.

His mother's words gave him pause. Could he have subconsciously sabotaged things with Mercedes so he could hurt her before she hurt him? Was he really still holding on to the resentment he felt from Santana? He stood and looked out the window a moment. Why was he allowing someone who obviously didn't care about him carte blanche to ruin a relationship that meant the world to him? He was the dumbest man in the world. He understood why Mercedes was so mad. His excuses were weak, his apologies even weaker. He needed to explain his actions. She deserved that much. She deserved the closure he never got.

* * *

Mercedes waited until she got home before picking up her phone to call him. She was still so angry with him but she wouldn't forgive herself if she didn't at least make sure his family was okay. With anxious hands she hit the call button waiting for him to pick up.

She was a little startled when he picked up after the first ring

"Hello?"

"Sam?"


	16. Chapter 16

**_You still with me? Thanks to everyone who's read/reviewed/followed. Please forgive any errors._**

* * *

_I miss you_. The words caught in her throat as she resisted the urge to speak them into existence. Instead she took a deep breath. "How's your mom?"

He sighed, kind of frustrated but relieved when the focus shifted on his mom. He wanted to tell her he wished she was there with him but settled on, "She's good. She just got out of surgery a few hours ago."

"I'm so happy to hear that, Sam. How are you holding up?"

He ran some fingers in his hair weighing his words before speaking. The last thing he wanted to do was rehash what happened between them. Even though he was compelled to address it. But she was worried about him. And it made him feel like a bigger jackass for everything he put her thorugh. "I'm okay."

Moving to her bed she leaned onto the headboard and put some pillows behind her back as she got comfortable. "When I asked how you were, I wanted a real response. I know you well enough to know you're not okay. You don't have to be strong for me or anyone else. I don't want you to tell me what you think I want to hear. Just tell me the truth. _How are you_?"

Pouring a cup of coffee he sat down at the kitchen table. He'd already fixed a side table that wasn't broken. Next he installed an unnecessary towel warming rack. Between home and the hospital were long stretches of quiet where his mind wandered and went to dangerous places so he tried to fill his quiet time by making himself busy and repairing things that weren't broken. "I'm worried, I'm angry I'm scared for her. She keeps telling me everything's okay, but Pickles, her heart stopped. She was dead. It took them two minutes to revive her. We all came so close to losing her. Everything can't be okay after that. And I'm trying to be strong for Stevie, Stace, and especially my dad but she's the one that holds us all together. I hate watching everyone quietly fall apart without her."

"But she's not gone. She's still there. I guess it's easier to focus on the fact that you almost lost her than to realize you haven't. But you have to remember that you haven't lost her. You have a second chance with your mom, you're lucky."

If Sam didn't already feel like a jackass, he felt like one now. All this focus on his mom nearly dying and he wasn't appreciating the fact that she was still around. She was right. He did have a second chance with her. And Mercedes would never have that chance with her own mom. "I'm sorry. You're listening to me whine about my mom and I'm being completely insensitive."

"It's not whining if it's true. It's not whining if I asked you to tell me how you feel. Besides, I happen to think your whining is a little sexy."

"Really?" His voice rumbled low. Despite being angry and hurt by him she hated how her body responded to his voice.

"No, but it's real. Thank you for that."

"No thank you. You're so strong."

She laughed. He thought she was strong? She'd always felt so weak. "Thanks I guess."

"I would have loved to have met her, you know."

"Who?"

"Your mom. I would have loved to tell her what an amazing daughter she has."

"Sam—"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about what happened to us before. If you could—"

She shook her head even though he couldn't see her. She didn't want any more apologies. She wanted to move past it all. Who was she kidding? This was Sam. She should have known he would bring this up. It was going too well. "Stop. It happened and it's over. I'm just glad your mom is okay. I'll see you when you get back."

Sam could feel her closing off again. It couldn't just end like this. He needed more time, more of everything with her. Before she hung up he made a last-ditch effort to keep her around. "Wait. Can I call you this time tomorrow?"

Silence. He willed her to say yes. To say that she needed more time with him too. And when she said she'd wait for his call he felt a huge weight lift from his shoulders.

* * *

_Three Days Later_

"Uno" Mercedes shouted triumphantly as she danced in her seat. Across from her a disgruntled Puck picked up 25 cards, a bank loan card from a LIFE game and pulled out his colorful pieces of paper to pay her $1,000 in Monopoly money. Stripped to his boxers he sat in her living room ready to discard his final piece of clothing until a small brown hand stopped him in his tracks. "Puck, for the sake of our friendship, don't remove those. In fact, I'll give you my hotels and pay your bank loan if you put your pants back on.

He looked up relieved. Yeah he decided to play strip uno cause he wanted to see her goodies, who the hell wouldn't, but he soon discovered that she was better at his made up game than he was. In five rounds she had one sock taken off while he was practically naked.

Pulling his shirt on and wiggling his eyebrows he asked, "Have you ever played strip poker?"

"Puck, how about we just play regular poker. I've already seen more of you than I ever thought I would tonight."

He pouted and put away the board games while he muttered 'killjoy' under his breath. But she heard him and began to laugh heartily. She needed this. Needed to laugh and spend time with her friend because she was worried sick about Sam. Sure they spoke every night and he told her his mother was doing better but she was still in the hospital and he still wasn't back at school. She could hear the worry in his voice when they spoke.

But Sam wasn't all that was troubling her. Rachel was being clingy. Even more than usual. She kept shoving pages of apartment listings and apologizing profusely for last week. She kept saying she was afraid they would grow apart, that Mercedes would leave her behind. And for the past week Mercedes all but ignored Rachel opting to spend her afternoons with Puck (she also reinstated their morning jogs) and hanging out with Tina (who had impressed her uncle so much, he invited her to intern with him before she started school). She'd found that she enjoyed their company, much more than she had ever enjoyed Rachel's. Maybe she and Rachel were growing up and growing apart, or maybe having decent friends was cluing her to the fact that Rachel had never been one. Either way she found it easy to dissolve her friendship with Rachel.

Puck's words broke her away from her thoughts. "Hey Jones, I've got something to show you." Sliding a well-worn paper across the table, he watched as she picked it up and read it.

She read it, looked up at Puck and then back down at the paper reading it again. "What the hell is this?"

"Exactly what it looks like…the _acceptance_ letter from NYADA Rachel won't shut up about."

She read it again to herself before quietly speaking the words that made her feel bad for Rachel. "She didn't get in."

"Not only did she not get in…she didn't even get to audition which makes me wonder why she would lie about getting accepted."

Mercedes shook her head in disbelief before looking over at Puck. "She was ashamed. NYADA is all she's been talking about since she started looking at colleges. She must be crushed."

He looked at her warily. He could see Mercedes' sympathy build for the girl who lived to tear her down. That big heart of hers was going to get her into trouble one day. "Don't do it Jones. Don't get sucked into her bullshit."

"This is different. She's hurting right now. No matter what she's done, she doesn't deserve this."

"I don't know it seems to be exactly what she deserves. Let's call a spade a spade. The girl is mediocre at best and lacks versatility."

"You're just saying that because you don't like her." Mercedes could say a lot of things about Rachel, but she never questioned the girl's talent.

"No I'm saying it because it's true. I know it. She knows it. The admissions department at NYADA knows it. And if you think about it, you know it too. Why else would she focus so much on bringing others down? Why do you think she's so jealous of you?"

"She's not," Mercedes whispered not even believing her words. She knew it was true. She knew Rachel was jealous of her because Rachel was jealous of anyone she thought was better than her.

You see Rachel was like an orchid. So fragile, always needing constant validation and praise. It was the only way she could flourish. She literally could not take constructive criticism. Viewed every difference of opinion as an attack, everyone with talent as competition. Still Mercedes couldn't help but feel sorry for her. Rachel prided herself on being the best, and couldn't function if she wasn't. She knew she was the constant focus of Rachel's frustration because Mercedes could take it. In fact, Rachel's criticisms made her stronger because if Rachel thrived on being the bully, Mercedes thrived by being the underdog. But Mercedes was like a cactus that bloomed flowers in adverse conditions. No matter what Rachel did, Mercedes would always outshine her. Rachel knew this and hated Mercedes for it.

Puck gave her a look that made her realize he didn't believe her either.

"But that doesn't mean she isn't heartbroken. I have to talk to her about this."

"I thought we could just pretend we didn't know and laugh at her behind her back."

"I wouldn't feel right about that. And we both know you wouldn't either."

Sighing he placed the letter in her hand and gave her a peck on the cheek. "Alright do what you want, just be careful. You're being loyal to the wrong person."

She walked him out and grabbed her phone, ready to check up on her friend. Her phone rang before she could call.

"Hey." She smiled and tried to tamp down the butterflies in her stomach. It had been this way since he called a few days ago. After he opened up to her about his mom, they talked about any and everything. It felt like they bypassed the past few weeks and were back at Virginia Beach. She knew it was temporary but she would take what she could get. Especially since she would be leaving in a matter of months and her time with Sam would become all but a distant memory.

"Hey yourself. How are you?"

She was still thinking about what she was going to do about Rachel. "I'm good. School's not the same without you. All the girls are losing their minds over not seeing 'Mr. Lips' every day."

He groaned at that unfortunate nickname. "I'm sure they'll forget about me soon."

She laughed. He really had no idea how attractive he was, which of course made him more attractive. "I doubt it. How's your mom?"

"She's okay. They may have to do another surgery so she could get a stent. Other than that she's having the time of her life talking with the nurses and doctors."

Mercedes smiled. She really missed Mrs. Evans.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she listen to him breathe deeply on the other line. "What's wrong Sam?"

"I haven't been honest with you. I know I'm not supposed to mention it, but I owe you a real reason why I accused you."

She sat down. She usually would tell him to forget about it but for her own piece of mind, she wanted to know why he thought so little of her. "Go on."

"I was in love with someone else before you. I made this girl my world. Put her above everyone—even my family. They hated her. They told me she was just using me, but I didn't hear any of it. All their warnings made me cling to her more." He laughed at the stupidity of it all. If only he had listened to his parents. He would have saved hisself some heartache. "There was the school I'd been dreaming of going to since I was a kid but she didn't want to apply. I got in but I declined so I can be closer to her. Long story short we moved in together and I came home one day to an empty apartment. All my stuff gone. She just left me. No note, no nothing. I tried to call her but she changed her number."

Mercedes could think of nothing constructive to say, only "wow."

"That wasn't the worst part. She had been so verbally abusive, and I took it. I let her eat away at my self-worth and my confidence. I let her treat me like shit cause I was convinced she was all I had in the world. When she left I let my heart harden a bit. I didn't want to get close to anyone else, didn't want to give anyone a piece of me cause I know fiercely I love. But then I met you and you made me want to try, made me want to forget all my hang ups. Because you were the exact opposite of her—kind, compassionate, selfless. And for a while it worked. But we got closer and Puck follows you around like a lost puppy. everything was perfect and in the back of my mind I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. When I heard he kissed you it felt like I was sitting in my empty apartment all over again. I was trying to protect myself and I ended up hurting you in the process. I know you're tired of hearing it, but I'm so sorry I accused you of cheating."

She didn't really know what to say so she stayed silent on the phone.

"I saw her mom today at the hospital." He ran his fingers through his hair. "She told me Santana came home a few months ago and was in the hospital, but I don't know if I should go see her. What do you think?"

"I think she was wrong for what she did. I think whatever her reasons probably had more to do with her than you. Thanks for telling me about her. I understand why you did what you did a little better. I don't forgive you. But I get it."

He'd take what he could get knowing it was more than he deserved. "Do you think I should go see her?" He tapped anxious feet as he sat on a bench in front of the hospital.

"I don't know. I don't think I can answer that. It's getting late, maybe we should talk tomorrow?"

He'd felt a little exposed after telling her about Santana. The last thing he wanted to do was end the call like this. "Wait. Do you want to read tonight?"

It had become a nightly ritual to read passages from their favorite book. Last night he read, and tonight was her turn. It was really a way to keep hearing the other's voice without getting into heavy topics. It was their favorite part of their conversations.

"Okay, here we go."

_There's more to beauty in truth even if it is dreadful beauty. The story tellers at the city gate twist life so that it looks sweet to the lazy eye and the stupid and the weak, and this only strengthens their infirmities and teaches them nothing, cures nothing, nor does it let the heart soar.*_

She closed the book as she mulled over the excerpt and thought about how much time she'd spent lying. She lied to herself and others constantly. She lied out of fear, out of kindness and it never made anything better. She knew that Sam had been lying to himself for a while now, pretending he got over Santana's betrayal, but from the way he flipped out on her in his car two weeks ago, she knew he wasn't over it. That the girl still controlled him in a way. She didn't want that for him. He needed closure. "Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"I think you need to go see her."

* * *

Sam stood out in front of the room the nurse said was Santana's with a bouquet of flowers and a pounding heart. Being this close to her, knowing she was on the other side of the door was making him angry. When he first heard she was here he was worried, especially since her mother never mentioned her condition. Now all those feelings he felt when she walked out on him came flooding back. He opened the door to find an emaciated and grey-looking Santana Lopez coughing into her hand.

Now that he was face to face with her for the first time in years, he was concerned. She looked horrible. Her once shiny hair was dull and matted. The face he once counted as the most beautiful he had ever seen was sunken in with dark circles and bags under her jaundiced eyes.

She looked over at him smirking as she took him in. Now that he was older he looked sexy as hell. Damn. "Well, well, well look what the cat dragged in. It's good to see you Trouts."

He placed the vase by the window and rolled his eyes. "Good to see you too Santana."

She covered her mouth, having another coughing fit. "You're lying your ass off. Mama said she saw you earlier. I didn't actually think you'd come and see me."

"How are you doing?" He pulled the box of tissues closer to her.

"I'm great. I'm just sitting in the hospital to test out the beds. That was a stupid question." She crossed her arms and shook her head at him.

"Maybe this was a mistake." He was going to turn away and head for the door.

"Sorry Sam. Sometimes I forget I don't have to be a bitch _all_ the time."

He stepped away from the door and walked over to her sitting in the chair beside her bed. "I just wanted to know why you did what you did."

"Wow you just cut to the chase? Well you were suffocating me. You were so happy and carefree and so damn unpolluted and I was a bitter bitch who wanted to make you as miserable as I was. I knew you deserved better. Someone who would take care of you and put you first. I knew you would go on and your life would be perfect. I hated you for it, so I tried to take that away from you.

For a while it worked. But you weren't going away and yelling at you was like kicking a puppy so I hitched a ride to California when my fuck buddy Brody said I could stay with him out there and hocked all your stuff."

He shook his head. God he was an idiot. This was the standard he was holding Mercedes to? At 18 she was already twice the woman Santana was. He had been carrying around this resentment for her the whole time, unintentionally pushing Mercedes away because of her actions, but now looking at her all small and defeated in her hospital bed, he could only feel pity for her. "Are you going to be alright?"

She shrugged. "Sleeping around and doing drugs can get you Hepatitis C. Who knew? Now I'm waiting for someone to croak so I can have their liver. It's more than I deserve."

He squeezed her shoulder and stood when he saw her mom enter the room. "I'll keep you in my prayers."

She placed her hand where his was on her shoulder. "Thanks Sam. I mean it. I'm really sorry about how I treated you. You were really good to me."

Sam walked out of the hospital room waving at Santana and her mother. He had wasted so much time being angry at Santana, so much time holding this grudge that he had let it spill into his relationship with Mercedes. She was mad and hurt by what he said and he understood that. Just like he understood that there was no way he didn't want to keep Mercedes in his life.

* * *

*From John Steinbeck's _East of Eden_


	17. Chapter 17

_Mercedes' heart beat erratically as she watched the water rise. This was it, she knew it. Was this how her mother felt? When she didn't see the point in struggling any longer and accepted her fate? When she was drained of hope and devoid of miracles? Is this how it felt to die?_

* * *

_12 hours earlier_

Mercedes smiled uneasily as Rachel looped an excited arm around hers. "This is going to be the best weekend ever!"

Rachel had been chattering about the senior trip since Mercedes went over to her house and confronted her about the rejection letter. Out of lies, the girl broke down and cried in Mercedes arms about how ashamed she was and fretted over what she was going to do about her future.

Mercedes suggested they focus on enjoying their remaining months of senior year and offered up the senior trip as a distraction. Now that February had flown by, it was hard to believe they only had a few more months of school. In four short months she'd be on her way to Columbia.

She shook her head as she watched Rachel plop her overstuffed bag in Sam's arms. "It's only supposed to be an overnight trip Rachel."

She brushed by him and winked. "Well Mr. Evans, a girl's got to be prepared for _anything_." Her husky, failed attempt at flirting made Sam cringe and Mercedes laugh. She was glad that his mother was doing better, she was happy to have him back. Since returning a few days ago he volunteered (or was gently reminded about being a team player from the principal) to be a last minute chauffer for the senior trip. He hadn't minded. Maybe the time away would distract him from everything going on in his head.

Nodding to the bus, Rachel went inside on a mission to find the best seat for her and Mercedes.

Mercedes watched Sam struggle with putting Rachel's bag in the back of the bus. "Need some help?"

He watched as her lips curled up into a smile. He had missed her. Thought about her everyday he'd been away. And now that he was face to face with her for the first time in weeks, he was able to see how breathtaking she was. "I think I'll make due."

"Oh I almost forgot." Unzipping her bag she handed him a well-worn book. "It's one of my favorites." She bit her lip and looked down shyly as she zipped her book back up and placed her bag in the back. Their nightly readings had progressed into a book club of sorts where they read and borrowed each other's their favorite books. Even though he'd been back a few days, he had still called her at 11, just as he had when he was away. And every night they bonded over their favorite authors.

He slipped the small novel in his back pocket. "Thanks. I look forward to reading it."

Before he could say anything else, or arise suspicion in Mercedes' classmates, Rachel poked her head through one of the windows. "Are you going to bore Mr. Evans all day about some stupid book or are you going to sit next to me?" She lifted several glossy magazines that Mercedes had no interest in reading. "I brought better entertainment."

Against her better judgment she stepped away from Sam with a wave and headed on the bus, swallowing down a response to Rachel's rudeness. Besides, this trip was supposed to be about making Rachel feel better about NYADA. So she bit her tongue and suppressed the urge to strangle the annoying girl.

Despite the bumpy ride and Rachel's incessant chatter the drive had been soothing. Perhaps it was because Mercedes was able to look ahead a few seats and see Sam reading the book she'd let him borrow. The act made her stomach flutter. Or maybe it was because she blushed and looked away when their eyes met as he scanned the bus to go over the rules. It was like they shared some secret language. She knew it was futile to like him, especially with everything that could go wrong. But she couldn't help herself. She wanted him, probably always would. It didn't mean she planned on doing anything about it.

Rachel practically yanked her from the seat to secure the best cabin. The area was beautiful—there were 20-30 scattered cabins that fit four, outhouses and regular bathrooms with showers on the outskirts and a large mess hall that could easily accommodate 100 people. A few yards away from the cabins was a lake where people could fish, swim, or laze about on a boat. The wooded area boasted a hiking trail and the small cliffs were amateur rock climbers' favorites. All in all the senior class president did a kick ass job securing the place.

During the day the seniors ate in the mess hall and the chaperones let them blast music as they cooked and barbequed for the teens. After a no holds barred water balloon/water gun battle royal, everyone was pretty quiet and hung in their cabins but once night fell, the teens began to wander off to do their own thing.

Rachel and Mercedes were no exception. Although all Mercedes wanted to do was curl up in the bed and read, Rachel dragged her by the lake to talk. Rachel knew of her reticence around large bodies of water but she never disclosed the reason behind it. She'd suspected Rachel knew it stemmed from her mother's death. Maybe that's what made what Rachel did particularly sadistic.

They sat in a boat that was stuck in some mud by the lake as other students swam and talked.

Rachel watched Mercedes take another sip of the juice she'd been drinking since dinner and smirked as she drank from her water bottle. "I know I haven't always been a good friend but I appreciate you." She wiped a tear and laughed at how sentimental she was being. "After everything we've been through. I can't imagine not going to school with you or being in the same town. I'm really going to miss you."

Touched, Mercedes leaned over to hug her oldest friend. "We still have a few months together. What do you say we make the most of it?"

Rachel nodded. "You know today was really perfect."

Mercedes leaned back and tapped her toes. She was beside the lake and her heart hadn't sped up. She'd call that progress. "It really was."

A teasing grin played on Rachel's lips. "Did you see how sexy Mr. Evans looked all drenched?"

Mercedes scrunched up her face in disgust and groaned. Her friend was like a dog with a bone. "When are you going to give that up?"

Rachel waved the comment away. "What? It's all in fun." She shrugged. "It's not like would be stupid enough to really make a move on him. Someone would have to be desperate to throw themselves at their teacher." She looked Mercedes dead in the eyes as she finished her statement, and Mercedes didn't flinch from her gaze. If she was fishing for something she wasn't getting a response or a reaction from Mercedes. Downing her last bit of juice she set the cup aside and stood up. Rachel had successfully ruined the night and with most of the kids back at the cabins, now was as good a time as ever to call it a night. Mercedes blinked and wobbled as she stood and her hand went to her head. Suddenly feeling drained she could hardly keep her eyes open.

She closed her eyes to combat her dizziness as she struggled to speak, the words coming out a bit slurred. "Something's wrong. I feel funny."

"Shh. It's okay Mercedes." Pushing on her shoulders slightly, Rachel sat her back down in the boat. "I'll take good care of him."

Sam sat back in the cabin that had too many modern conveniences to be considered 'roughing it' and continued reading the book Mercedes lent him. He loved getting to know her though her favorite books. Since the trip had so many chaperones anyway, Sam didn't have much to do. His only job was to make sure no one was left behind and take steps so no one died or was injured in his general vicinity.

But he couldn't just do nothing, idle hands and all, so he did a quick spot check to make sure everyone was still alive. On the way he confiscated some interesting items: bottles of whiskey and vodka, spray cans and fuzzy handcuffs. He shook his head. These kids were wild. They made him question what he did as a teenager. Jostling the bottles in his arms he opened the door. He looked askance when he saw Rachel standing in his room. Alarm bells ringing in his mind, he approached her carefully. "Rachel what are you doing here."

Mercedes groaned and touched her head as she sat up, shaking of the effects of whatever made her loopy. Her head was killing her. Getting her bearings she gasped as the choppy waters made her nauseous. She tensed. How in the hell did she get in the middle of the lake? Memories of her mother's death flooded her mind and she felt herself panicking as she grabbed the edge of the boat. With no phone and no paddle, she had no hope of getting back to the docks. It couldn't get worse than this. Then she felt water pool at her ankle. She was wrong. It could get a lot worse.

Rachel sauntered over to Sam with all the gracefulness of a baby deer in her fire engine red pumps. Sam thought she looked awkward and the looks she was tossing him was making him uncomfortable. When she put her hand on his chest he stepped back. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I know you want me Mr. Evans. I see the way you look at me. Your secret smile when I pass by. Don't worry, I can keep a secret." Going for her belt, she opened her coat to revel her naked form.

He grimaced and snapped her coat shut throwing a blanket over her for good measure. "You seemed to be confused. You're a kid. This," he gestured between him and Rachel, "will never happen." He never offered her a second look which broke her heart.

"And what about Mercedes? You don't seem to think it's a problem when she throws herself at you." She huffed, having the decency to be embarrassed as she tied her belt loop tighter and crossed her arms.

His face blanched for a second before his gaze turned menacing. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

She was tired of everyone taking Mercedes' side. She was just as good as her. Hell, she was better. Why did everyone choose Mercedes? She was livid, and all of her early posturing was gone. "Really then why did I go through all the trouble getting her out of my way when you're just going to stand here defending her?"

Her words put him on high alert. That awful feeling he got when he opened the door to find Rachel in his room increased hundredfold. "Where is she?"

"I took care of her." She shrugged and stared at her nails, trying really hard to look apathetic.

"What are you talking about? What does that mean? This isn't a fucking game Rachel. Tell me where she is!" She shrank back as he gripped her arm.

"She was in my way."

Tearing out of the cabin he began to search for Mercedes, his feet already leading him to the one place someone as vindictive as Rachel would leave her.

With every inch the water rose Mercedes could feel herself fighting a losing battle. Tired from struggling, which was only making the boat sink faster, she tried to remember how to swim, how to live. But her mom's image kept flashing in her mind. She couldn't help but think she was about to meet the same fate.

He could see a small boat sinking not too far from the docks. He could barely function as he got closer to the scene. Mercedes was fighting to stay afloat as her head bobbed in and out of the water. Untold adrenaline surged through him as he took his shoes off and swam over to her in record timing. Carrying her to shore he drew her closer, holding her shivering frame as she whimpered.

Her eyes were wild as she tried to assess if this was real. The last thing she remembered was going under. She needed to know she didn't just conjure him up and that she had indeed been rescued. She spoke up when she heard him mention calling an ambulance.

"No. No, I don't want to go to the hospital. I want to stay with you. Promise you won't leave me." Her hands clutched at his back and her teeth chattered as she gripped at his neck. "Please don't let me go."

Something in her voice broke his heart. This was all his fault. "I'm never letting you go baby. I'm staying right here." He rubbed soothing circles on her back, unsure if the gesture was for her benefit or his.

Taking refuge in an unassigned cabin he set her down as he looked for wood for the fireplace. Luckily there was wood and a poker by the side of the fireplace. He confiscated someone's matchbook on his travels and located the pilot light. Once it was found he placed a log on the fire and put his hands out, feeling its warmth. A quick survey of the room found some blankets and a comforter which he placed near the fire, ushering Mercedes over to sit beside him. Their clothes were soaked through and shivering in the cold cabin was doing nothing to warm them up. Mercedes got the idea to wring them out so they were slightly damp and sat close enough to the fire to dry them. Sam followed suit. He sat down beside her and held her in his arms, holding her tighter when she fell asleep.

She awoke hours later confused. Mercedes didn't know what happened. All she knew was she was laying on the floor with Sam next to her. Closing her eyes, she recalled the events of the night and how Sam saved her from drowning. She was a combination of angry, hurt, betrayed and relieved. But mostly she was safe. She saw his shoulder shake as his back faced her. She moved her blanket on him thinking he was cold until she heard a sniffle. Moving in front of him she smiled sadly and wiped the tears that fell from his eyes. "Sam?"

"I could have lost you. You would have spent your last minutes hating me for hurting you. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry that I wasn't there to protect you. That I believed for one second you could have cheated. It all seems so stupid now. You mean more to me that I ever thought possible. You're greater than my fears. You're my hope, my friend, my dream, my possibility. I don't know what I would have done if anything would have happened to you."

She moved closer to him pressing her body against his, then she hugged him fiercely. "I don't hate you. I could never hate you." She was still shivering, slightly damp, but completely warm wrapped in Sam's arms. His head nestled in the crook of her neck, one of his favorite places. He could properly sense his demise from this vantage point and it was all Mercedes-induced. It told him all the things he dared not speak. That this amazing girl who felt so small and fragile in his arms was one of the strongest and bravest people he knew. That she clung to him, needed him close, and he was eager to oblige. That his arms were made to hold her, just as her body was made to meld to his. That his hands were filled with the feel of her, his nose inundated with the smell of her and his mind addled with the idea that he almost lost her. He had to acknowledge his own weakening at the sight of her, the choppy waters almost pulling her away.

How foolish he had been to hurt her, to accuse her and push her away. She deserved so much more.

Despite her ordeal, she was so gentle with him, kissing the tracks his tears left. The care she took with him made him believe that he had been the one that was rescued.

She'd nuzzled close to him, loving his scent and watched as his Adam's apple bobbed. Letting her soft hands rest in his hair she began to slowly move them, tracing his features before stopping on his lips. "I'm going to kiss you now. Because I love you. Because I trust you. And because I can't stop myself."

He knew he should have backed away but her words had him rooted and her slightly darkened pupils had him intrigued.

The slow kiss which began sweetly and reverently, quickly gained heat. They poured every lost emotion, every bit of longing into it and as their tongues melded together and their bodies pressed to each other. He pulled away needed more contact with her skin. He eagerly nibbled and sucked the skin on her neck and collarbone. In a voice she barely recognized as hers she rasped out "Sam, I need you." This delicious tension was building inside of her and they'd barely touched. She wove their fingers together as she shifted her hips closer to him. She needed to be closer.

She whispered again and the sound went straight to his cock "I want you."

He could barely understand what she was asking him, he was finding it hard to focus. All he knew was she was here telling him things and holding him in ways he had only dreamed about. Sam was tired of apologizing with his words. He sought to ask for forgiveness with his actions. He tempered his apologies across her thighs with his lips. Signed them with his tongue. His hands slid across her hips and brought her closer to him. Making quick work of her red cotton boy shorts he flung the offending item on the floor. It landed a few feet away from the sweatpants he threw off her moments prior. Then he paused a moment to take in her scent. It was the same scent that filled his senses on cold lonely nights. The same scent he was dreaming of since that fateful day in Virginia Beach. Hearing her whimper he placed a sweet kiss to the lips he hadn't seen since the summer. He missed this. Missed the way her body responded to him. It fueled him, made him stronger. Using his thumb and pointer finger he opened her up as his tongue sought to devour her.

She gasped. Her whole body was warm, no, it was on fire. She was consumed with him. His every touch made her writhe and mewl. She was unraveling before him. She bucked wildly, even as he struggled to hold her in place. She was torn between pulling him off and pushing him closer. And when he slid his finger inside of her she practically vibrated, moaning his name into the empty cabin. His sweet torture lasted for minutes but felt like hours. Her nipples tingled, causing extra sensitivity when her bra's lacy material rubbed against them. Almost as an afterthought she made quick work of freeing her breasts, flinging the bra and her shirt across the room while tweaking her nipples and practically rising from the floor at the expert attention Sam was paying her lower half. She was almost there, almost on the brink. When his lips surrounded her clit before he sucked on the enlarged bundle of nerves and added a second finger inside her, she exploded, her mouth hanging open and her lips in an 'O' shape. And he took in her nectar, getting as reacquainted with her taste as he had with her scent. He moaned. It was still the best thing he ever tasted.

But he didn't stop, just shifted attention to her newly exposed breasts. Kissing her nipple he circled the hardening bud with his tongue before pulling it into his mouth and sucking on it. His hands were still pumping in and out of her moist heat. She could barely concentrate with what he was doing to her body. Mercedes toes were curling as he moved to focus on her other breast. His actions were producing tingles on every inch of her body. He moaned as she fiddled with the hair at the base of his neck, lightly massaging his scalp with her fingernails. He had to know, surely he was aware, that she could only imagine doing this with him. That her loss of inhibition was brought on by loving and trusting him completely. She moved his face up to hers staring in his eyes as she prepared to confess something seven months in the making. "I love you."

She saw his eyes fill with tears as he responded, his own voice thick with emotion. It had been so long, they had been through so much. Her words grounded him and reaffirmed what was already on his heart. "I love you too." No further words needed to be said as she kissed him languidly, eagerly greeting the mouth and tongue she missed while her hands went to his buttons. Getting lost in the kiss he barely noticed her removing his shirt until he felt her hands slide across his abs. He tensed. He didn't want to take advantage of her. She was still vulnerable from almost drowning and he wanted her to have a clear head when making this decision. It was too important not to.

"M-Mercedes?" He pulled back, already missing her body. "Don't do this because you feel you have to. I'm not pressuring you. We don't have to do anything. I'm fine with stopping. I guess what I'm trying to ask is if this is okay. Is this okay?"

She nodded, staring at him directly as she slid his shirt off his shoulders and on to the floor. "I know. I know. But I want to." She laid underneath him, never losing eye contact. Her hair fanned on the pillow while her legs remain wrapped around his torso. She looked so gorgeous it was taking everything in him to fight his urges, even as she grinded her hips into him. "I want you Sam." Her actions were testing his resolve. He took a moment to assess her husky words, the sound of them made his dick twitch. God she was sexy. He wondered if she were truly sincere until he felt her hands begin to unbutton his pants. "I want this." His boxers soon fell too as she pulled them half way off and he tossed them the rest of the way down, kicking them across the room.

He let out a pleasured cry when he felt her warm but tentative hand wrap around his dick. She hoped she was doing this right. She moved slowly but gained confidence and speed as she watched his facial expressions. He licked his lips, his mouth stayed slightly open. It was the sexiest thing she'd ever witnessed. She could see the vein in his neck pulsing, straining and heard his tiny whine when she curiously licked the tip of his cock where clear liquid collected. Knowing he wasn't going to last much longer he switched their positions, letting her straddle him. Leaning forward she focused attention on his chest and abs as she licked and kissed, rubbed and explored. The combination of her soft hands and warm mouth caused him to produce a guttural moan.

When their eyes met, new heat pooled at her core. His eyes were hooded and glazed over, his pupils darkened. She felt this ache take root in the pit of her stomach and ripple out to her extremities. It was insatiable and she knew it wouldn't subside until after he was inside her. She knew her body needed him in unchartered ways. Pulling him down she flicked his earlobe and nibbled the flesh behind it, whispering in his ear. "I want you." It ushered in their moment of no return. He waited for her approval, refusing to do anything without her okay. Lowering her back beneath him, he went to sheath himself trying to take his mind off the throbbing sensation he felt as his erection thickened. When she looked up and nodded he took that as his cue to enter her slowly, fusing their hearts and bodies while lacing their fingers together. He hissed. She was so tight and warm, he didn't know if he would last. Looking down at her he watched her sharp intake of air and felt her squeeze his shoulders tightly and stilled his movements. After getting the okay he inched in slowly, painstakingly slow. After what felt like an eternity he was fully in and he felt her already contracting around him. It went against every impulse he had to wait. He wanted to fuck her into the floor, but he needed to go slow with her. The tension caused him to shake, his muscles bulging and straining as he hovered above her. Still, he waited until she said she was ready before moving again.

Their rhythm which was tentative and unsure at first moved to fast and erratic then slowed as she felt herself melding into him. Their breaths co-mingled as he placed his forehead on hers, still gradually moving in her. Pain soon gave way to pleasure and she needed him to go deeper. She surprised herself when she met his thrusts with equal intensity. He hit a particular spot which was making her eyes slightly roll back in her head. She heard his labored and husky voice and her body reignited. "So good. So damn good. I need you Mercedes. Look at me baby." His hand were on her hips rubbing soothing circles into her skin. When she opened her eyes, all she could see was Sam, _her_ Sam staring back at her. As their eyes locked on each other and her nails dragged down his back, the sight of her heavy breasts bouncing underneath him, he increased his speed and felt her walls convulse around him. "Oh-_Oh_! Sam!" She screamed his name as she reached her high, her voice hoarse as she came down from it, her body flaccid.

A few thrusts later and he closed his eyes and clamped down on her neck, nibbling on her sweet skin. "Mercedes!" Thoroughly spent and riding the after waves of his own orgasm he collapsed beside her, drawing her closer. He pulled out of her, causing her to wince. It was only for a few seconds and she missed him. She sat back and tried to catch her breath as she watched him move around the empty cabin. He returned after discarding the condom and wrapped them in the heavy comforter before covering their heads, building their own tent of sorts. She was completely naked in front of him, a state which would usually make her self-conscious. But she wasn't. Not here. Not with him.

Leaning forward he kissed her forehead and held her closer. God help whoever tried to keep them apart because he wasn't planning on ever letting her go. He should have asked himself if _he_ were ready to make love to her, because now that they had redefined their relationship he completely surrendered to her. She clouded his judgment, became his highest importance. This connection he felt was more profound than his need to do the right thing. Hell, he would be doing wrong by denying his feelings for her. In fact he was content to do wrong with her for as long as she'd let him.

But he wasn't foolish. He knew telling her this would put them back at square one. He wanted to stay suspended in this world where it was just the two of him as long as possible. He was afraid of what would happen when the real world smacked them in the face. Because dawn would come and she would be gone. It was inevitable. Shifting his thoughts to lighter things but still basking in their afterglow, he moved his finger down her body, covers falling as he moved, and focused on memorizing her every feature. "What's this?" Using his pointer finger, he circled a scar near her collarbone and kissed it softly, which in turn made her eyes flutter closed at his touch. "Tripped in the woods and fell on a twig, cut my collarbone on the way down." Her voice was soft and she moved her hands in his hair, which was dampened with sweat. He kissed it again moving his finger to another bruise on her stomach. "And here?"

She squirmed a little before responding, the enormous smile on her face showing how happy his actions made her. How happy _he_ made her. "Making pasta. The water was so hot that when I put the noodles in the pot, some of it splashed out and scalded my stomach." He kissed her burn mark and wished he could have been there to protect her.

"What about this?" He circled a scar on her upper left thigh which brought the flutters back to her stomach. Mercedes sighed as she felt his breath on her leg. "Hit my leg on the windowsill when I was 7. My father installed bars to stop me from climbing onto the roof, but I tried to anyway." She became teary eyed as she felt his lips kiss her plush thighs harder. Her hands continued to leisurely run through his hair. She closed her eyes wanting to revel in the sensation of his lips attempting to heal one of her deepest scars. And in that moment she swore he knew why she liked being up high as a child.

"And this?" His finger trailed lower until he reached a scar on her right shin. She took a deep breath and covered her face with her hands. "When I was 13 Rachel and I had our first fight. I was sleeping over at her house and she said something about my dad being inadequate. I went off. I broke her nose, busted her lip. She tripped me and I skinned my shin on her carpet." She shook her head at the memory. "It wasn't my finest moment. Anyway, we stopped being friends for a while until I caught some girls making fun of her and stuck up for her." Back then she was so quick to forgive. Right now she couldn't help but wonder if her life would have been easier had she never let Rachel back into her life. The earlier mirth in his smile was completely gone as he kissed the scar on her shin and rose back towards her face.

Sated, he peppered lazy kisses on her face before nuzzling into her neck and falling asleep. She lay in silence nestled under his arms, knowing this would have to end soon. It was too perfect not to. Sure she loved him, and he loved her too but one declaration of love or night of toe curling sex did not a relationship make.

Especially when reality lay on the other side of the door. But she wouldn't think about that now. Tomorrow she'd worry about the fact that she just had sex with her teacher. Tomorrow she would confront Rachel, involve the cops and let the chips fall where they may. But not tonight. Tonight she would be content lying beside him on a rickety comforter in an abandoned cabin letting Sam's breathing lull her to sleep.


End file.
